Home | Blonde Jokes | Golf Jokes | Jewish Jokes | Lawyer Jokes | Classic Jokes | Useful Information
 Jere 

jeresjokes@yahoo.com

 Jere's Holiday
Gift Picks 
Click Here
Great Gifts for Everyone!

 CHEAPEST GAS PRICES! 
Enter your Zip Code


 Free Online Games 

 Entertainment, Travel & Science News 

 How Old Are You? 

 Get Your Weather 
Enter your Zip Code

 Movie Listings 
Enter your Zip Code


 Get Your Stocks 
Enter Symbol:


 Get Your Horoscope 
Whats Your Sign?


 JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!

Texting for Seniors as follows:

ATD - At the Doctor's

BFF - Best Friend's Funeral

BTW - Bring the Wheelchair

BYOT - Bring your own teeth

CBM - Covered by Medicare

CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center

DWI - Driving While Incontinent

FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers

FWIW - Forgot Where I Was

FYI - Found Your Insulin

GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low

GHA - Got Heartburn Again

IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?

LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out

LOL - Living on Lipitor

OMMR - On My Massage Recliner

ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!

TOT - Texting on Toilet

TTYL - Talk to You Louder

WTP - Where are the Prunes

WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil

Hope these help!

GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In






Todd Sabo


 BLONDE JOKE
A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary, so he decided to buy her a cell phone. She was all excited. She loved her phone. He explained to her all the features on the phone.

The next day she went shopping. Her phone rang, and it was her husband calling.

"Hi, hon," he said. "How do you like your new phone?"

She replied "I just love it. It's so small, and your voice is clear as a bell. But there's one thing I don't understand."

"What's that, baby?" asks the husband.

"How did you know I was at Wal-Mart?"
  ... More Blonde Jokes?


 GOLF JOKE
15 Reasons Why Golf is Better Than Sex

1. It's easier to score in golf.
2. Golf-transmitted diseases are rare.
3. Everyone swings in golf.
4. When you play golf, you don't have to lubricate the hole.
5. Being called a pro is a compliment in golf.
6. Golf isn't over in a few minutes.
7. It's OK to pay for golf.
8. You can play golf for hours without getting exhausted.
9. Foursomes are more common in golf.
10. If you have trouble with one hole, you can go to another.
11. You get more rest between strokes in golf.
12. If you're not ready for golf on the first date, you can suggest miniature golf.
13. In golf, women have balls and men don't mind.
14. Premarital golf is encouraged.
15. The size of your shaft isn't important to other golfers.
  ... More Golf Jokes?


 JEWISH JOKE
A Jewish man and a Chinese man were conversing.

The Jewish man commented upon what a wise people the Chinese are.

"Yes," replied the Chinese, "Our culture is over 4,000 years old. But, you Jews are a very wise people, too."

The Jewish man replied, "Yes, our culture is over 5,000 years old."

The Chinese man was incredulous, "That's impossible," he replied. "Where did your people eat for a thousand years?
  ... More Jewish Jokes?


 LAWYER JOKE
A doctor vacationing on the Riviera met an old lawyer friend and asked him what he was doing there.

The lawyer replied, "Remember that lousy real estate I bought? Well, it caught fire, so here I am with the fire insurance proceeds. What are you doing here?"

The doctor replied, "Remember that lousy real estate I had in Mississippi? Well, the river overflowed, and here I am with the flood insurance proceeds."

The lawyer looked puzzled. "Gee," he asked, "how do you start a flood?"
  ... More Lawyer Jokes?


 CLASSIC JOKE
At last, men demystified!

~~ The Man Code ~~

The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.

Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of
pizza, but not both. That's just plain mean.

Bitching about the brand of free beer in a buddy's refrigerator
is forbidden. You may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable.

Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally
killed and eaten by his fellow party goers.

Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as
spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the
ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.

If a buddy is outnumbered, out manned, or too drunk to fight, you
must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24 hours
his actions have caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a
good ass-whoopin", then you may sit back and enjoy.

Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must
bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's
running late is 5 minutes. For a woman, you are required to wait
10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic
1-10 scale.

No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another
man. In fact, even remembering a friend's birthday is strictly
optional and slightly gay.

Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe your buddy is
trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried
away with your good deed and end up having Sex with the beast,
your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor
party.

Before dating a buddy's ex, you are required to ask his
permission and he, in return is required to grant it.

If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem you didn't see
nothin'.

When stumbling upon other guys watching a sports event, you may
always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never
ask who's playing.

It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when
you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a
topless super model...and it's free.

Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must
remain sober enough to fight.

If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you better be referring
to his beer.

Never join your girlfriend/wife in discussing a buddy, except when
she's withholding sex pending your response.

Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're on equal
footing: either both urinating or both waiting in line. In all
other situations, a nod is all the conversation you need.

If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may
not join him...too gay."

"Thou shall not rent the movie "Chocolat"

Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

Submitted by: Renee Andert
  ... More Classic Jokes?


 USEFUL INFORMATION
This might be a lifesaver if we can remember the three questions!

IS IT A STROKE?

Sometimes symptoms of a stroke are difficult to identify. Unfortunately, this lack of awareness can spell disaster. The stroke victim may suffer brain damage when people nearby fail to recognize the symptoms of a stroke.


Now doctors say a bystander can recognize a stroke by asking three simple questions:

Ask the individual to smile.

Ask him or her to raise both arms.

Ask the person to speak a simple sentence.

If he or she has trouble with any of these tasks, call 9-1-1 immediately and describe the symptoms to the dispatcher.

After discovering that a group of non-medical volunteers could identify facial weakness, arm weakness and speech problems, researchers urged the general public to learn the three questions. They presented their conclusions at the American Stroke Association's annual meeting last February. Widespread use of this test could result in prompt diagnosis and treatment of the stroke and prevent brain damage.
  ... More Useful Information?