Home | Blonde Jokes | Golf Jokes | Jewish Jokes | Lawyer Jokes | Classic Jokes | Useful Information
 Jere 

jeresjokes@yahoo.com

 Jere's Holiday
Gift Picks 
Click Here
Great Gifts for Everyone!

 CHEAPEST GAS PRICES! 
Enter your Zip Code


 Free Online Games 

 Entertainment, Travel & Science News 

 How Old Are You? 

 Get Your Weather 
Enter your Zip Code

 Movie Listings 
Enter your Zip Code


 Get Your Stocks 
Enter Symbol:


 Get Your Horoscope 
Whats Your Sign?


 JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!

Texting for Seniors as follows:

ATD - At the Doctor's

BFF - Best Friend's Funeral

BTW - Bring the Wheelchair

BYOT - Bring your own teeth

CBM - Covered by Medicare

CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center

DWI - Driving While Incontinent

FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers

FWIW - Forgot Where I Was

FYI - Found Your Insulin

GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low

GHA - Got Heartburn Again

IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?

LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out

LOL - Living on Lipitor

OMMR - On My Massage Recliner

ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!

TOT - Texting on Toilet

TTYL - Talk to You Louder

WTP - Where are the Prunes

WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil

Hope these help!

GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In






Todd Sabo


 BLONDE JOKE
A blonde woman walks into a store. Curious about a shiny object, she asks, "What is that?"

The store clerk responds, "It's a thermos."

The blonde then asks, "What does it do?"

The clerk says "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." So she buys one.

The next day, she brings it to work with her. Her boss, also a blonde, asks, "What is that shiny object?"

She replies "It's a thermos."

He asks, "What does it do?"

She says, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."

He then asks, "What do you have in there?"

"Two cups of coffee and a popsicle."
  ... More Blonde Jokes?


 GOLF JOKE
A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened.

"Well", it was like this, said the man. "I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows."

We went to look for it and while I was rooting around, I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail and sure enough, there was my wife's golf ball . . . . . . stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. That's when I made my mistake.

"What did you do?" asks the doctor.

Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife, "Hey, this looks like yours!"
  ... More Golf Jokes?


 JEWISH JOKE
One day at kindergarten, the teacher says to the class of five year olds, "I'll give $2 to the child who can tell me who was the most famous man who ever lived."

An Irish boy put his hand up and said, "Please miss, it was St. Patrick." The teacher said, "Sorry Sean, that's not correct."

Then a Scottish boy put his hand up and said, "Please miss, it was St. Andrew." The teacher replied, "I'm sorry Hamish, that's not right either."

Finally, a Jewish boy raised his hand and said, "Please miss, it was Jesus Christ."

The teacher said, "That's absolutely right Hymie, come up here and I'll give you your $2."

As the teacher was giving Hymie his money, she said "You know Hymie, being that you're Jewish, I was very surprised you said Jesus Christ,”

To which Hymie replied, "I know, in my heart I knew it was Moses, but business is business."
  ... More Jewish Jokes?


 LAWYER JOKE
There is a truck driver who whenever he sees a lawyer walking down the street, he always swerves to hit him.

One day he sees a priest on the side of the road looking for a ride and so the truck driver picks him up. While they were driving, the driver sees a lawyer, and swerves to hit him. But then he remembered he had a priest in the truck, so he swerved back on the road, but he heard a loud 'thump' anyway. So the driver turns to the priest and says "Please forgive me." and the priest said, "You didn't hit the lawyer, but that's OK, I got him with the door."
  ... More Lawyer Jokes?


 CLASSIC JOKE
An Irish story for St. Patrick's Day Mrs. Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin when she met up with Father Rafferty.

The Father said, "Top o' the mornin' to ye! Aren't ye Mrs. Donovan and didn't I marry ye and yer husband two years ago?"

She replied, "Aye, that ye did, Father."

The Father asked, "And be there any wee ones yet?"

She replied, "No, not yet, Father."

The Father said, "Well now, I'm going to Rome next week and I'll light a candle for ye and yer husband."

She replied, "Oh, thank ye, Father." They parted ways.

Some years later, they met again. The Father asked, "Well now, Mrs. Donovan, how are ye these days?"

She replied, "Oh, very well Father."

The Father asked, "And tell me, have ye any wee ones yet?"

She replied, "Oh, yes Father. Three sets of twins and four singles, 10 in all."

The Father said, "Glory be! That's wonderful! How is yer loving husband doing?"

She replied, "E's gone to Rome to blow out yer fookin' candle."
  ... More Classic Jokes?


 USEFUL INFORMATION
Another SCAM! Just sent to me...

Keep a watch out for people standing near you at retail stores, restaurants, grocery stores, etc., that have a cell phone in hand. With the new camera cell phones, they can take a picture of your credit card, which gives them your name, number, and expiration date.

Identification theft is one of the fastest growing scams today, and this is just another example of the means that are being used. So, be aware of your surroundings.
  ... More Useful Information?