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JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!
Texting for Seniors as follows:
ATD - At the Doctor's
BFF - Best Friend's Funeral
BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
BYOT - Bring your own teeth
CBM - Covered by Medicare
CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center
DWI - Driving While Incontinent
FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers
FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
FYI - Found Your Insulin
GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA - Got Heartburn Again
IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL - Living on Lipitor
OMMR - On My Massage Recliner
ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!
TOT - Texting on Toilet
TTYL - Talk to You Louder
WTP - Where are the Prunes
WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil
Hope these help!
GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In
Todd Sabo
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BLONDE JOKE
Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.
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GOLF JOKE
This is a true story. After hacking my way around a course with a professional golfer, I asked him what the problem was with my game. He answered coolly and casually, "It's simple, you're standing too close to your ball............after you hit it"!
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JEWISH JOKE
A visitor to Israel attended a recital and concert at the Moscovitz Auditorium. He was quite impressed with the architecture and the acoustics.
He inquired of the tour guide, "Is this magnificent auditorium named after Chaim Moscovitz, the famous Talmudic scholar?"
"No," replied the guide. "It is named after Sam Moscovitz, the writer."
"Never heard of him. What did he write?"
"A check", replied the guide.
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LAWYER JOKE
Q: Why is an avocado like a lawyer? (both are "avocat" in French)
A: Both have hearts like stones.
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CLASSIC JOKE
MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER
Why Men Are Just Happier People - What do you expect from such simple
creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans
take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be
President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a
water park. You can wear NO T-shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you
the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas
station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same
work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental --
$100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. The
occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood -- all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own
jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If
someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your
underwear is $8.95 for three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than
enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to
see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original
color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to
shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life. Your belly
usually hides your big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for
all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails
with a pocketknife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a
mustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in
25 minutes. No wonder men are happier.
Submitted by: Judy Herbst
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USEFUL INFORMATION
Today's Message of the Day is:
Life is short, Break the rules, Forgive quickly, Kiss slowly, Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably, And never regret anything that made you smile.
Submitted by: Rene Andert
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