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JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!
Texting for Seniors as follows:
ATD - At the Doctor's
BFF - Best Friend's Funeral
BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
BYOT - Bring your own teeth
CBM - Covered by Medicare
CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center
DWI - Driving While Incontinent
FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers
FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
FYI - Found Your Insulin
GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA - Got Heartburn Again
IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL - Living on Lipitor
OMMR - On My Massage Recliner
ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!
TOT - Texting on Toilet
TTYL - Talk to You Louder
WTP - Where are the Prunes
WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil
Hope these help!
GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In
Todd Sabo
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BLONDE JOKE
Two blondes were looking at a newspaper.
One of them notices a headline that says:
"TWO BRAZILIAN SOLDIERS KILLED"
She thought for a moment.........and then whispered to her friend,
"Psst......How many is a brazilian"?
Submitted by Elmer Nance
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GOLF JOKE
A young woman, who happened to be blonde, had been taking golf lessons.
She had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a
bee sting. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the
clubhouse for help and to complain.
Her golf teacher, who also happened to be blonde, saw her come into the
clubhouse and asked, "Why are you back in so early? What's wrong?"
"I was stung by a bee," she said.
"Where," the blonde golf teacher asked.
"Between the first and second hole," she moaned.
The golf instructor nodded knowingly and said, "You're standing with
your legs too far apart."
Submitted by: Fred Lee
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JEWISH JOKE
Four Jewish ladies, at a resort in the Catskills, were in rockers on the veranda and admiring the scenery.
After a while the first woman sighed, "Oy!"
The others sighed sympathetically.
Then the second woman sighed, "Oy Vey!"
The others nodded.
A third woman said, "Oy, Gottenyu!"
The others nodded as if in agreement. Finally, the fourth woman said, "Enough talk about the children. Let's go for a walk!"
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LAWYER JOKE
Lawyer driving by a Texas ranch hit and killed a calf that was crossing the road. The driver went to the owner of the calf and explained what had happened. He then asked what the animal was worth.
"Oh, about $200 today," said the rancher. "But in six years it would have been worth $900. So $900 is what I'm out."
The lawyer sat down and wrote out a check and handed it to the farmer.
"Here," he said, "is the check for $900. It's post-dated six years from now."
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CLASSIC JOKE
A retiree’s week
QUESTION: What do you do all week?
Answer: Mon to Fri. Nothing, Sat & Sun I rest!
Submitted by: Millicent Berger
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USEFUL INFORMATION
MIGHTY FINE ADVICE IN THESE WORDS
ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully
TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
FOUR. When you say, 'I love you ,' mean it.
FIVE. When you say, 'I'm sorry,' look the person in the eye
SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.
EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dream. People who don't have dreams don't have much.
NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
TEN.. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.
TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.
THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, 'Why do you want to know?'
FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
FIFTEEN. Say 'bless you' when you hear someone sneeze.
SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson !
SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and responsibility for all your actions.
EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship...
NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
TWENTY.. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone.
submitted by: Jeff G.
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