Jere's Holiday
Gift Picks
Click Here
Great Gifts for Everyone!
|
|
| Entertainment, Travel & Science News
|
|
|
JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!
Texting for Seniors as follows:
ATD - At the Doctor's
BFF - Best Friend's Funeral
BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
BYOT - Bring your own teeth
CBM - Covered by Medicare
CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center
DWI - Driving While Incontinent
FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers
FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
FYI - Found Your Insulin
GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA - Got Heartburn Again
IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL - Living on Lipitor
OMMR - On My Massage Recliner
ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!
TOT - Texting on Toilet
TTYL - Talk to You Louder
WTP - Where are the Prunes
WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil
Hope these help!
GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In
Todd Sabo
|
|
|
BLONDE JOKE
Judi, a blonde, enters an elevator, turns to a gentleman there, smiles and says, "T-G-I-F" to which he replies "S-H-I-T."
Baffled, the Judi repeats "T-G-I-F."
The gentleman smiles and responds: "S-H-I-T."
The woman quizzically looks at the gentleman and says again "T-G-I-F."
The man again replies "S-H-I-T."
The woman explains to him what it mean. "Sir, T-G-I-F stands for Thank
G-d Its Friday."
Ray replies, "Sorry Honey, It's Thursday."
|
... More Blonde Jokes?
|
|
|
GOLF JOKE
Two golfers are at the first tee: Golfer one: ``Hey, guess what! I got a set of golf clubs for my wife!''
Golfer two: ``Great trade!!!!''
|
... More Golf Jokes?
|
|
|
JEWISH JOKE
THE PROOF THAT JESUS WAS JEWISH:
1. He went into his father's business.
2. He lived at home until the age of 33.
3. He was sure his mother was a virgin,
4. His mother was sure he was God.
|
... More Jewish Jokes?
|
|
CLASSIC JOKE
Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little
bottles of Evian water? Evian spelled backwards = NAIVE.
Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing
section in a swimming pool?
OK...so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa
Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make the Tennessee Titans?
If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that 1 ENJOYS it?
What's the definition of a teenager? G-d's punishment for enjoying sex.
Define Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.
What's the difference between the Pope and your boss? The Pope
only expects you to kiss his ring.
Why is a government worker like a shotgun with a broken firing pin?
It won't work and you can't fire it.
My mind works like lightning: One brilliant flash and it is gone.
Never trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent.
The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the
bathroom.
A husband is someone who takes out the trash and gives the impression he
just cleaned the whole house.
My next house will have no kitchen; just vending machines.
I'm so depressed... I went to the Dr. today and he refused to write me a
prescription for Viagra. Said it would be like putting a new flagpole on a condemned building
Submitted by: Matt Dorros
|
... More Classic Jokes?
|
|
USEFUL INFORMATION
I don't know what you guys are paying for gasoline....Here in California we are also paying higher, upwards of $3.50 per gallon. But my line of work is in petroleum for about 31 years now, so here are some tricks to get more of your money's worth for every gallon.
Here at the Kinder Morgan Pipeline where I work in San Jose , CA we deliver about 4 million gallons in a 24-hour period thru the pipeline. One day is diesel the next day is jet fuel, and gasoline, regular and premium grades. We have 34-storage tanks here with a total capacity of 16,800,000 gallons.
Only buy or fill up your car or truck in the early morning when the ground temperature is still cold. Remember that all service stations have their storage tanks buried below ground. The colder the ground the more dense the gasoline, when it gets warmer gasoline expands, so buying in the afternoon or in the evening....your gallon is not exactly a gallon. In the petroleum business, the specific gravity and the temperature of the gasoline, diesel and jet fuel, ethanol and other petroleum products plays an important role. A 1-degree rise in temperature is a big deal for this business. But the service stations do not have temperature compensation at the pumps.
When you're filling up do not squeeze the trigger of the nozzle to a fast mode. If you look you will see that the trigger has three (3) stages: low, middle, and high. In slow mode you should be pumping on low speed, thereby minimizing the vapors that are created while you are pumping. All hoses at the pump have a vapor return. If you are pumping on the fast rate, some of the liquid that goes to your tank becomes vapor. Those vapors are being sucked up and back into the underground storage tank so you're getting less worth for your money.
One of the most important tips is to fill up when your gas tank is HALF FULL or HALF EMPTY. The reason for this is, the more gas you have in your tank the less air occupying its empty space. Gasoline evaporates faster than you can imagine. Gasoline storage tanks have an internal floating roof. This roof serves as zero clearance between the gas and the atmosphere, so it minimizes the evaporation. Unlike service stations, here where I work, every truck that we load is temperature compensated so that every gallon is actually the exact amount.
Another reminder. If there is a gasoline truck pumping into the storage tanks when you stop to buy gas, DO NOT fill up--most likely the gasoline is being stirred up as the gas is being delivered, and you might pick up some of the dirt that normally settles on the bottom.
Hope this will help you get the most value for your money.
Submitted by: Bob Gasway
|
... More Useful Information?
|
|
|
How many lawyer jokes are there?
