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 JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!

Texting for Seniors as follows:

ATD - At the Doctor's

BFF - Best Friend's Funeral

BTW - Bring the Wheelchair

BYOT - Bring your own teeth

CBM - Covered by Medicare

CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center

DWI - Driving While Incontinent

FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers

FWIW - Forgot Where I Was

FYI - Found Your Insulin

GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low

GHA - Got Heartburn Again

IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?

LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out

LOL - Living on Lipitor

OMMR - On My Massage Recliner

ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!

TOT - Texting on Toilet

TTYL - Talk to You Louder

WTP - Where are the Prunes

WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil

Hope these help!

GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In






Todd Sabo


 BLONDE JOKE
A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary, so he decided to buy her a cell phone. She was all excited. She loved her phone. He explained to her all the features on the phone.

The next day she went shopping. Her phone rang, and it was her husband calling.

"Hi, hon," he said. "How do you like your new phone?"

She replied "I just love it. It's so small, and your voice is clear as a bell. But there's one thing I don't understand."

"What's that, baby?" asks the husband.

"How did you know I was at Wal-Mart?"
  ... More Blonde Jokes?


 GOLF JOKE
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers.

Engineer: What's with these guys? We must have been waiting
for 15 minutes!

Doctor: I don't know but I've never seen such ineptitude!

Priest: Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with
him.

Priest: Hi George. Say George, what's with that group ahead of
us? They're rather slow aren't they?

George: Oh yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost
their sight while saving our club house last year. So we let them
play here anytime free of charge!

(silence)

Priest: That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.

Doctor: Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist

buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them.

Engineer: Why can't these guys play at night?
  ... More Golf Jokes?


 JEWISH JOKE
HOW TO TELL THE DIFFERENCE



Question 1) How do you know when you are at an Orthodox Jewish Wedding?

Answer: The mother of the bride is pregnant.



Question 2) How do you know when you are at a Conservative Jewish Wedding?

Answer: The bride is pregnant.



Question 3) How do you know when you are at a Reform ? Jewish Wedding?

Answer: The rabbi is pregnant.

  ... More Jewish Jokes?


 LAWYER JOKE
Q: You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and a lawyer. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?

A: Shoot the lawyer. Twice.
  ... More Lawyer Jokes?


 CLASSIC JOKE
Subject: College Exam

A not necessarily well-prepared student sat in his life science classroom, staring at a question on the final exam paper. The question directed: "Give four advantages of breast milk. "What to write? He sighed, and began to scribble whatever came into his head, hoping for the best:

1. No need to boil. 2. Never goes sour. 3. Available whenever necessary. So far so good - maybe. But the exam demanded a fourth answer.

Again, what to write? Once more, he sighed. He frowned. He scowled, then sighed again. Suddenly, he brightened. He grabbed his pen, and triumphantly, he scribbled his definitive answer: 4. Available in attractive containers of varying sizes.

He received an A.
  ... More Classic Jokes?


 USEFUL INFORMATION
Subject: Car Theft and your Vin #

As sad as it is this has already happened, thought you might like to know about this.

It seems that car thieves have found another way to steal your car or truck without any effort at all. The car thieves peer through the windshield of your car or truck, write down the VIN number from the label on the dash, go to the local car dealership and request a duplicate key based on the VIN number. The car dealer's parts dept will make a duplicate key from the VIN number and collect payment from the thief who will return to your car. He doesn't have to break in, do any damage to the vehicle, or draw attention to himself. All he has to do is to walk up to your car, insert the key and off he goes to a local chop shop with your vehicle.

You don't believe it?

It IS that easy.

To avoid this from happening to you, simply put some tape – electrical tape, duct tape or medical tape) across the VIN label located on the dash board. By law, you cannot remove the VIN number, but you can cover it so it can't be viewed through the windshield by a car thief.

I urge you to forward this to your friends before some other car thief steals
another car or truck.
  ... More Useful Information?