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JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!
Texting for Seniors as follows:
ATD - At the Doctor's
BFF - Best Friend's Funeral
BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
BYOT - Bring your own teeth
CBM - Covered by Medicare
CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center
DWI - Driving While Incontinent
FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers
FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
FYI - Found Your Insulin
GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA - Got Heartburn Again
IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL - Living on Lipitor
OMMR - On My Massage Recliner
ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!
TOT - Texting on Toilet
TTYL - Talk to You Louder
WTP - Where are the Prunes
WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil
Hope these help!
GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In
Todd Sabo
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BLONDE JOKE
A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. The doctor asked
her what had happened to her ears and she answered, "I was
ironing a shirt and the phone rang -- but instead of picking
up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But ... what
happened to your other ear?"
"The jerk called back."
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GOLF JOKE
A woman tries her skill at golf. Her first shot ends up deep in the rough. While searching for the ball, she gets a horrible case of poison ivy. After several weeks of recovery, she gives it another try, and again her first shot ends up in the rough. This time, while looking for the ball, she steps on a sharp, metal object and requires several stitches. Refusing to give up, she goes back out the next day. Once again, her first shot sails off into the rough. While digging around for her ball, she gets
stung by a wasp. Furious, she storms back to the club house, where she vows never to play the game again.
The golf pro, upon hearing her announcement, tries to offer comfort. "Don't you think you're over-reacting?" he asks.
"Every time I hit the ball, it goes in the rough, and then something terrible happens!" she shouts.
"I'll bet there's something in your technique that I could change with a few suggestions and you'd be fine", he consoles her.
"Oh yeah? Well I just got stung by a wasp! What could you possibly say that could have prevented that?" she asks angrily.
"Where did you get stung?" he inquires.
"Between the first and second holes", she snaps.
"See there", he responds, "Your stance is too wide"
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JEWISH JOKE
One of the richest Jewish men on the East Coast of the US had to go into the hospital for a week. So he booked himself into one of the best hospitals in the whole USA. Within a couple of days he moved to a small downtown Brooklyn hospital. One of the doctors in this hospital asked what was wrong with the first hospital.
"Was the medical care not good enough?"
"No - the medical care was the best available. I couldn't complain".
"Was the nursing care OK"
"Yes - the nursing care was brilliant. I couldn't complain"
"What about the food and the wards?"
"The food was cordon bleu, fantastic, and the hospital rooms were perfect. I couldn't complain".
"So why did you leave there for here" the doctor asked.
"Here, I can complain!"
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LAWYER JOKE
The defendant asked for a new lawyer, claiming the public defender wasn't interested in his case.
The judge addressed the PD: "What do you have to say to that?"
The PD replied, "Could you repeat that, your honor? I wasn't listening."
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CLASSIC JOKE
Genealogy of Creation
A little girl asked her mother, 'How did the human race
appear?'
The mother answered, 'G-d made Adam and Eve and they had children and so was all mankind made.'
Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.
The father answered, 'Many years ago there were monkeys from
which the human race evolved.'
The confused girl returned to her mother and said, 'Mom, how come you told
me the human race was created by G-d, and Dad said they developed from
monkeys?'
The mother answered, 'Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you
about my side of the family and your father told you about his.'
submitted by: Harold Grene
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USEFUL INFORMATION
"Symptoms of Inner Peace"
* An unmistakable ability to enjoy each moment
* Loss of interest in judging others
* Loss of interest in interpreting actions of others
* Loss of interest in conflict
* Loss of ability to worry
* Frequent, overwhelming episodes of appreciation
* Contented feelings of connectedness with others and nature
* Frequent attacks of smiling through the eyes from the heart
* Tendency to let things happen rather than make them happen
* Tendency to think and act spontaneously rather than from fear based on past experiences
* Susceptibility to love extended by others as well as the uncontrollable urge to extend love.
Submitted by: B. Gasway
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