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JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!
Texting for Seniors as follows:
ATD - At the Doctor's
BFF - Best Friend's Funeral
BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
BYOT - Bring your own teeth
CBM - Covered by Medicare
CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center
DWI - Driving While Incontinent
FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers
FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
FYI - Found Your Insulin
GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA - Got Heartburn Again
IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL - Living on Lipitor
OMMR - On My Massage Recliner
ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!
TOT - Texting on Toilet
TTYL - Talk to You Louder
WTP - Where are the Prunes
WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil
Hope these help!
GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In
Todd Sabo
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BLONDE JOKE
Q: How do You kill a blonde?
A: Paint the words "Scratch and Sniff" on the bottom of your pool!
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GOLF JOKE
A man enters the confessional and says to the priest:
Man: Forgive me father for I have sinned. I've taken the L*rd's name
in vain.
Priest: Continue my son, what was the circumstance that led you to this
sin.
Man: I went golfing this afternoon, and I hit one of the worst slices
off the 13th and landed in a field of tall grass.
Priest: I understand my son. I play a little golf myself and find it
most frustrating.
Man: But that shot was not the problem. You see, I hit it with a nine
iron, out of the grass and into the trees.
Priest: I see, and this is when you cursed.
Man: No. I managed to hit out of the trees and onto the green in one
stroke, but it rolled off the green and into the sand trap.
Priest: Ah, and that's when you took the L*rd's name in vain.
Man: No, father. With my sand wedge, I was able to get out of the trap
in one stroke leaving the ball 4 inches from the cup.
Priest: Jesus H Christ, don't tell me you missed a 4 inch fricking putt?
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JEWISH JOKE
According to Jewish dietary law, pork and shellfish may be eaten only in Chinese restaurants.
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LAWYER JOKE
A true story: A convicted con man was recently found to be impersonating a lawyer in New York City.
To which one judge remarked, "I should have suspected he wasn't a lawyer. He was always so punctual and polite."
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CLASSIC JOKE
An old nun who was living in a convent next to a Brooklyn
construction site noticed the coarse language of the workers and
decided to spend some time with them to correct their ways.
She decided she would take her lunch, sit with the workers and
talk with them. She put her sandwich in a brown bag and walked over to the spot where the men were eating.
She walked up to the group and with a big smile said:
"Do you men know Jesus Christ?"
They shook their heads and looked at each other.
One of the workers looked up at the steelworks and yelled,"Anybody up there know Jesus Christ?"
One of the steelworkers yelled down a "Why"?
The worker yelled back, "His wife's here with his lunch."
Submitted by: Aileen Gordon
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USEFUL INFORMATION
Subject: Car Theft and your Vin #
As sad as it is this has already happened, thought you might like to know about this.
It seems that car thieves have found another way to steal your car or truck without any effort at all. The car thieves peer through the windshield of your car or truck, write down the VIN number from the label on the dash, go to the local car dealership and request a duplicate key based on the VIN number. The car dealer's parts dept will make a duplicate key from the VIN number and collect payment from the thief who will return to your car. He doesn't have to break in, do any damage to the vehicle, or draw attention to himself. All he has to do is to walk up to your car, insert the key and off he goes to a local chop shop with your vehicle.
You don't believe it?
It IS that easy.
To avoid this from happening to you, simply put some tape – electrical tape, duct tape or medical tape) across the VIN label located on the dash board. By law, you cannot remove the VIN number, but you can cover it so it can't be viewed through the windshield by a car thief.
I urge you to forward this to your friends before some other car thief steals
another car or truck.
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