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JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!
Texting for Seniors as follows:
ATD - At the Doctor's
BFF - Best Friend's Funeral
BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
BYOT - Bring your own teeth
CBM - Covered by Medicare
CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center
DWI - Driving While Incontinent
FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers
FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
FYI - Found Your Insulin
GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA - Got Heartburn Again
IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL - Living on Lipitor
OMMR - On My Massage Recliner
ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!
TOT - Texting on Toilet
TTYL - Talk to You Louder
WTP - Where are the Prunes
WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil
Hope these help!
GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In
Todd Sabo
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BLONDE JOKE
One day, Jill's husband came home from the office and found her sobbing convulsively.
"I feel terrible," she told him. "I was pressing your suit and I burned a big hole in the seat of your trousers."
"Forget it," consoled her husband. "Remember that I bought an extra pair of pants for that suit."
"Yes, and it's lucky for you that you did," said Jill, drying her eyes. "I used them to patch the hole."
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GOLF JOKE
A hack golfer spends a day at a plush country club, playing golf and enjoying the luxury of a complimentary caddy. Being a hack golfer, he plays poorly all day. Round about the 18th hole, he spots a lake of the fairway. He looks at the caddy and says, “I’ve played so poorly all day, I think I’m going to drown myself in that lake.”
The caddy looks at him and says, “I don’t think you could keep your head down that long.”
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JEWISH JOKE
A man's son was about four years old.
The young boy had just come home from Hebrew school. His father asked him what he'd learned that day.
The boy was quiet for a moment and then said, "Dad, have any of the men in our family had their penises criticized?"
The wife cracked up and told him the term was "circumcised", but the answer was still "Yes."
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LAWYER JOKE
What happens when you cross a pig with a lawyer?
Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do.
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CLASSIC JOKE
I'M A SENIOR CITIZEN.......
I'm the life of the party, even when it lasts until 8 P.M.
I'm very good at opening child-proof caps with a hammer.
I'm usually interested in going home before I get to where I'm going.
I'm good on a trip for at least an hour without my-aspirin-beano-antacid
I'm the first one to find the bathroom, wherever we go.
I'm awake many hours before my body allows me to get up.
I'm smiling all the time because I can't hear a word you are saying.
I'm very good at telling stories.... over and over and over and over.
I'm aware that other people's grandchildren are not as bright as mine.
I'm so cared for, long-term care, eye care, private care, dental care..,
I'm not grouchy. I just don't like traffic, waiting, crowds, children, politicians.
I'm positive I did housework correctly before my mate retired.
I'm sure everything I can't find is in a secure place.
I'm wrinkled, saggy and lumpy, and that's just my left leg.
I'm having trouble remembering simple words like......
I'm now spending more time with my pillows than with my mate.
I'm realizing that aging is not for sissies.
I'm anti-everything now: anti-fat, anti-smoke, anti-noise, anti-inflammatory.
I'm walking more (to the bathroom and enjoying it less).
I'm going to reveal what goes on behind closed doors –absolutely nothing!
I'm sure they are making adults much younger these days.
I'm in the initial state of my golden years: SS, CD's, IRA's, AARP.
I'm wondering if you're only as old as you feel. How could I be alive at 150?
I'm supporting all movements now by eating bran, prunes and raisins.
I'm a walking storeroom of facts..... I've just lost the storeroom.
I'M A SENIOR CITIZEN AND I THINK I AM HAVING THE TIME OF MY LIFE!!!
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USEFUL INFORMATION
I just wanted to pass some information on to you. I was watching Channel 2 this morning. They had a Dr. Edward Fujimoto from Castle Hospital on the program. He is the manager of the Wellness Program at the hospital. He was talking about dioxins and how bad they are for us. He said that we should not be heating our food in the microwave using plastic containers. This applies to foods that contain fat. He said that the combination of fat, high heat and plastics releases dioxins into the food and ultimately into the cells of the body. Dioxins are carcinogens and highly toxic to the cells of our bodies. Instead, he recommends using glass, Corning Ware, or ceramic containers for heating food. You get the same results without the dioxins.
So such things as TV dinners, and soups, etc. should be removed from the container and heated in something else. Paper isn't bad but you don't know what is in the paper. Just safer to use tempered glass, Corning Ware, etc.
He said we might remember when some of the fast food restaurants moved away from the foam containers to paper. The dioxin problem is one of the reasons.
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