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 JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!

Texting for Seniors as follows:

ATD - At the Doctor's

BFF - Best Friend's Funeral

BTW - Bring the Wheelchair

BYOT - Bring your own teeth

CBM - Covered by Medicare

CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center

DWI - Driving While Incontinent

FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers

FWIW - Forgot Where I Was

FYI - Found Your Insulin

GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low

GHA - Got Heartburn Again

IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?

LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out

LOL - Living on Lipitor

OMMR - On My Massage Recliner

ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!

TOT - Texting on Toilet

TTYL - Talk to You Louder

WTP - Where are the Prunes

WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil

Hope these help!

GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In






Todd Sabo


 BLONDE JOKE
The popular blonde cheerleader bounced into the local card shop, looked around, then approached the clerk. "Do you have any, like, real special birthday cards?" she asked.

"Yes, we do," he replied. "As a matter of fact, here's a new one inscribed, 'To the Boy Who Got My Cherry.'"

"Wow, neat!" she squealed. "I'll take the whole damn box."
  ... More Blonde Jokes?


 GOLF JOKE
A man and his wife walked into a dentist's office. The man said to the dentist, "Doctor, I'm in one hell of a big hurry! I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf. So forget about the anaesthetic and just pull the tooth and be done with it-- I don't have time to wait for the anaesthetic to work!

The dentist thought to himself, "My goodness--this sure is a very brave man, asking me to pull his tooth without using anything to kill the pain."

So the dentist asked him, "Which tooth is it, sir?"

The man turned to his wife and said, "Open your mouth, Honey, and show the doctor which tooth hurts."
  ... More Golf Jokes?


 JEWISH JOKE
Sophie and Shirley, two elderly Jewish widows in a Florida adult community, are curious about the latest arrival in their building -- a quiet, nice looking gentleman who keeps to himself. Shirley says, "Sophie, you know I'm shy, why don't you go over to him at the pool and find out a little about him. He looks so lonely."

Sophie agrees, and later that day at the pool, she walks up to him and says, "Excuse me, mister. I hope I'm not prying, but my friend and I were wondering why you looked so lonely."

"Of course I'm lonely," he says, "I've spent the past 20 years in prison."

"You're kidding! What for?"

"For killing my third wife. I strangled her."

"What happened to your second wife?"

"I shot her."

"And, if I may ask, your first wife?"

"We had a fight and she fell off a building."

"Oh my," says Sophie. Then turning to her friend on the other side of the pool, she yells, "Yoo hoo, Shirley. He's single."
  ... More Jewish Jokes?


 LAWYER JOKE
What did the terrorist that hijacked a jumbo-jet full of lawyers do?
He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren't met.
  ... More Lawyer Jokes?


 CLASSIC JOKE
"OLD" IS WHEN.....
Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "Pick one, I can't do both!"

"OLD" IS WHEN.....
Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.

”OLD" IS WHEN.....
A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.

"OLD" IS WHEN.....
Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

"OLD" IS WHEN.....
You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

"OLD" IS WHEN.....
You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.

"OLD" IS WHEN.....
"Getting a little action" means I don't need to take any fiber today.

"OLD" IS WHEN..... "
Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.

Submitted by: Harold Greene
  ... More Classic Jokes?


 USEFUL INFORMATION
Kings in a deck of cards

King of Spades: King David

King of Hearts: Charlemagne always with Ermine Coat

King of Diamonds: Julius Caesar always in profile, with hand extended

King of Clubs: Alexander the Great always holds orb

Submitted by: JRZ
  ... More Useful Information?