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 JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!

Texting for Seniors as follows:

ATD - At the Doctor's

BFF - Best Friend's Funeral

BTW - Bring the Wheelchair

BYOT - Bring your own teeth

CBM - Covered by Medicare

CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center

DWI - Driving While Incontinent

FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers

FWIW - Forgot Where I Was

FYI - Found Your Insulin

GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low

GHA - Got Heartburn Again

IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?

LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out

LOL - Living on Lipitor

OMMR - On My Massage Recliner

ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!

TOT - Texting on Toilet

TTYL - Talk to You Louder

WTP - Where are the Prunes

WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil

Hope these help!

GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In






Todd Sabo


 BLONDE JOKE
Two blonde gals went together to play the slot machines at the casino. Each agreed that when her allotted money was gone, she would go to the front of the casino and sit on the bench to wait for the other.

Trixie quickly lost all her money and went to sit on the bench. She waited
and waited. After what seemed an eternity, she finally saw Patty coming
toward her, carrying this huge sack of coins.

"Hey, Trixie," said Patty, "how'd you do?"

"Not very good," came the reply. "I've been waiting here for hours."

Patty said: "You should have been with me . . . did I ever find a good
machine! It's way in the back. Come! I'll show it to you . . you can't
lose! Ever time you put a dollar in, you win four quarters!"

Submitted by: Bob Gasway
  ... More Blonde Jokes?


 GOLF JOKE
Subject: Changes in the rule book of golf
2003 Golf Rule Book Changes

Rule 1. A ball sliced or hooked into the rough shall be lifted and placed on the fairway at a point equal to the distance it carried or rolled into the rough with no penalty. Player should not be penalized for uncontrollable mechanical phenomena.

Rule 2. A ball hitting a tree shall be deemed not to have hit the tree. This is simply bad luck and luck has no place in a scientific game. The player must estimate the distance the ball would have traveled if it had not hit the tree and can play the ball from there.

Rule 3. There shall be no such thing as a lost ball. The missing ball is on or near the course and will eventually be found and pocketed by someone else, making it a stolen ball. The player is not to compound the felony by charging him or herself with a penalty stroke.

Rule 4. If a putt passes over a hole without dropping it is deemed to have dropped. The law of gravity supersedes the law of golf.

Rule 5. Putts that stop close enough to the cup that they could be blown in may be blown in. This does not apply to balls more than three inches from the hole. No one wants to make a travesty of the game.

Rule 6. There is no penalty for so-called "out of bounds" If penny-pinching golf club owners bought sufficient land this would not occur. The golfer deserves an apology not a penalty.

Rule 7. There is no penalty for a ball in a water hazard, as golf balls should float. That they do not is a technical problem that manufacturers have yet to overcome. Golfers should not be punished for manufacturer's shortcomings.

Rule 8. Advertisements proclaim that golf scores can be improved by purchasing new clubs, balls, shoes etc. Since this is financially impossible for the average Senior Golfer, 1/2 a stroke per hole may be subtracted for using old equipment.
  ... More Golf Jokes?


 JEWISH JOKE
A Jew was walking on Regent Street in London and stopped in to a posh gourmet food shoppe. An impressive salesperson in morning coat with tails approached him and politely asked, "Can I help you, Sir?"

"Yes," replied the customer, "I would like to buy a pound of lox."

No," responded the dignified salesperson, "You mean smoked salmon."

"Okay, a pound of smoked salmon."

"Anything else?"

"Yes, a dozen blintzes."

"No. You mean crepes."

"Okay, a dozen crepes."

"Anything else?"

"Yes. A pound of chopped liver."

"No. You mean pate."

"Okay," said the Jewish patron, "A pound of pate. And," he added, "I'd like you to deliver this to my house next Saturday."

"Look," retorted the indignant salesperson, "We don't schlep on Shabbos!"
  ... More Jewish Jokes?


 LAWYER JOKE
How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?
She has an uncontrollable craving for baloney.
  ... More Lawyer Jokes?


 CLASSIC JOKE
Man robs a bank and takes hostages. He asks the first hostage if he saw him rob the bank.
Hostage answers yes. Robber shoots him in the head. Asks second hostage if he saw him rob the bank. Hostage answers no, but my wife did.


Submitted by: Renee Andert
  ... More Classic Jokes?


 USEFUL INFORMATION
Another SCAM! Just sent to me...

Keep a watch out for people standing near you at retail stores, restaurants, grocery stores, etc., that have a cell phone in hand. With the new camera cell phones, they can take a picture of your credit card, which gives them your name, number, and expiration date.

Identification theft is one of the fastest growing scams today, and this is just another example of the means that are being used. So, be aware of your surroundings.
  ... More Useful Information?