Home | Blonde Jokes | Golf Jokes | Jewish Jokes | Lawyer Jokes | Classic Jokes | Useful Information
 Jere 

jeresjokes@yahoo.com

 Jere's Holiday
Gift Picks 
Click Here
Great Gifts for Everyone!

 CHEAPEST GAS PRICES! 
Enter your Zip Code


 Free Online Games 

 Entertainment, Travel & Science News 

 How Old Are You? 

 Get Your Weather 
Enter your Zip Code

 Movie Listings 
Enter your Zip Code


 Get Your Stocks 
Enter Symbol:


 Get Your Horoscope 
Whats Your Sign?


 JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!

Texting for Seniors as follows:

ATD - At the Doctor's

BFF - Best Friend's Funeral

BTW - Bring the Wheelchair

BYOT - Bring your own teeth

CBM - Covered by Medicare

CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center

DWI - Driving While Incontinent

FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers

FWIW - Forgot Where I Was

FYI - Found Your Insulin

GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low

GHA - Got Heartburn Again

IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?

LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out

LOL - Living on Lipitor

OMMR - On My Massage Recliner

ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!

TOT - Texting on Toilet

TTYL - Talk to You Louder

WTP - Where are the Prunes

WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil

Hope these help!

GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In






Todd Sabo


 BLONDE JOKE
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking one night.

One blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away from
us, Florida or the moon?"

The other blonde turns and says, "Obviously Florida is farther."

"What makes you say that?" the first blonde asks.

Rolling her eyes, the second blonde replies, "Helllllllooooooooo, can you
see Florida from here?"
  ... More Blonde Jokes?


 GOLF JOKE
Avid golfer

Joe was teeing off the first hole, from the back tees. On his downswing, he suddenly realized that his wife, Mary was about to tee off from the red tees, directly in his path.

Unable to stop his down swing, he nailed the ball, hitting Mary in the right temple, killing her instantly.

A few days later, Joe received a call from the coroner, concerning her autopsy.

“Joe, your wife seems to have died from blunt force trauma to the head. You said you hit a golf ball and struck her in the temple; Is that correct?”

“Yes Sir,” Joe replied, “that’s correct.”

"Well Joe, I also found a large bruise on Mary’s right hip. Do you know anything about that?"

"Yes Sir," Joe said, "That would have been my mulligan."

Submitted by: Renee Andert
  ... More Golf Jokes?


 JEWISH JOKE
THE PROOF THAT JESUS WAS JEWISH:

1. He went into his father's business.
2. He lived at home until the age of 33.
3. He was sure his mother was a virgin,
4. His mother was sure he was God.
  ... More Jewish Jokes?


 LAWYER JOKE
What do you get when you cross a lawyer with a demon from hell?
Another lawyer.
  ... More Lawyer Jokes?


 CLASSIC JOKE
Three tortoises, Mick, Andy and Roy, decide to go on a picnic. Mick
packs the picnic basket with beer and sandwiches. The trouble is that
the picnic site is ten miles away So, it takes them ten days to get there.

When they get there Mick unpacks the food and beer. "Ok Roy give me
the bottle opener"

"I didn't bring it" says Roy "I thought you packed it" Mick gets
worried, he turns to Andy, "Did you bring the bottle opener?" Naturally Andy
didn't bring it.

So they're stuck ten miles from home without a bottle opener. Mick and
Andy beg Roy to go back for it. But he refuses as he says they will eat
all the sandwiches. After two hours, and after they have sworn on their
tortoise lives that they will not eat the sandwiches, he finally agrees.

So Roy sets off down the road at a steady pace.

20 days pass and he still isn't back and Mick and Andy are starving, but
a promise is a promise. Another 5 days and he still isn't back, but a
promise is a promise. Finally they can't take it any longer so they take
out a sandwich each, and just as they are about to eat it, Roy pops up
from behind a rock and shouts, "I KNEW IT'......I'M NOT GOING!"

Submitted by: Renee Andert
  ... More Classic Jokes?


 USEFUL INFORMATION
As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to
ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably
more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so
remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best
friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry
because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you
love.

So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've
never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute
of happiness you'll never get back.

Submitted by: Matthew G.
  ... More Useful Information?