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JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!
Texting for Seniors as follows:
ATD - At the Doctor's
BFF - Best Friend's Funeral
BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
BYOT - Bring your own teeth
CBM - Covered by Medicare
CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center
DWI - Driving While Incontinent
FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers
FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
FYI - Found Your Insulin
GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA - Got Heartburn Again
IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL - Living on Lipitor
OMMR - On My Massage Recliner
ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!
TOT - Texting on Toilet
TTYL - Talk to You Louder
WTP - Where are the Prunes
WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil
Hope these help!
GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In
Todd Sabo
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BLONDE JOKE
Q: How do You kill a blonde?
A: Paint the words "Scratch and Sniff" on the bottom of your pool!
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GOLF JOKE
One day a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie.
"Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."
So, he tied her up and went golfing.
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JEWISH JOKE
A Rabbi and his two friends, a Priest and a Minister, played poker for small stakes once a week.
The only problem was that they live in a very conservative blue-law town. The sheriff raided their game and took all three before the local judge.
After listening to the sheriff's story, the judge sternly inquired of the priest: "Were you gambling, Father?"
The priest looked toward heaven, whispered, "Oh, Lord, forgive me!" and then said aloud: "No, your honor, I was not gambling."
"Were you gambling, Reverend?" the judge asked the minister.
The minister repeated the priest's actions and said, "No, your honor, I was not."
Turning to the third clergyman, the judge asked: "Were you gambling, Rabbi?"
The Rabbi eyed him coolly and replied "With whom?"
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LAWYER JOKE
What happens to a lawyer who jumps out of a plane at 35,000 feet without a parachute?
Who cares?
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CLASSIC JOKE
10 ways to terrorize a telemarketer
10. When they ask "How are you today?" Tell them, "I'm so glad you asked
because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems;
my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died."
9. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell
their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where their company is located. Continue asking them personal questions or questions
about their for as long as necessary. Such as when did their company
start, who was the founder, are they still with company?
8. Cry out in surprise, the name of the telemarker name such as
"Judy! Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?"
Hopefully, this will give "Judy" a few brief moments of pause as
she tries to figure out where the hell she could know you from.
7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and
Friends plan, reply, in as SINISTER a voice as you can, "I don't have
any friends. would you be my friend?"
6. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for
bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.
5. Tell the telemarketer you are on "home arrest" and ask if they
could bring you a case of beer and some chips.
4. After the telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her to marry
you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you could not just
give your credit card number to a complete stranger.
3. Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask them if they
will give you their HOME phone number so you can call them back. When
the telemarketer explains that they cannot give out their HOME number, you
say "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The
telemarketer will agree and you say, "Now you know how I feel!"
2. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke.
"Come on Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"
And first and foremost:
1. Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write EVERY WORD down.
submitted by: Dave Gasway
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USEFUL INFORMATION
Most of us take the summons for jury duty seriously, but enough people skip out on their civic duty, that a new and ominous kind of scam has surfaced. Fall for it and your identity could be stolen, reports CBS. In this con, someone calls pretending to be a court official who threateningly says a warrant has been issued for your arrest because you didn't show up for jury duty. The caller claims to be a jury coordinator. If you protest that you never received a summons for jury duty, the scammer asks you for your Social Security number and date of birth so he or she can verify the information and cancel the arrest warrant. Sometimes they even ask for credit card numbers. Give out any of this information and .... Bingo! Your identity has just been stolen. The scam has been reported so far in 11 states. This scam is particularly insidious because they use intimidation over the phone to try to bully peopl e into giving information by pretending they're with the court system. The FBI and the federal court system have issued nationwide alerts on their web sites, warning consumers about the fraud
Here is the link if you want to check it out. http://www.snopes.com/crime/fraud/juryduty.asp
Submitted by: Bob Gasway
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