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 JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!

Texting for Seniors as follows:

ATD - At the Doctor's

BFF - Best Friend's Funeral

BTW - Bring the Wheelchair

BYOT - Bring your own teeth

CBM - Covered by Medicare

CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center

DWI - Driving While Incontinent

FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers

FWIW - Forgot Where I Was

FYI - Found Your Insulin

GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low

GHA - Got Heartburn Again

IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?

LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out

LOL - Living on Lipitor

OMMR - On My Massage Recliner

ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!

TOT - Texting on Toilet

TTYL - Talk to You Louder

WTP - Where are the Prunes

WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil

Hope these help!

GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In






Todd Sabo


 BLONDE JOKE
Did you hear about the two blondes who froze to death in a drive-in movie?

They went to see "Closed for the Winter."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why did the blonde resolve to have only 3 children?

She heard that 1 out of every 4 children born in the world was Chinese.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Did you hear about the near-tragedy at the mall? There was a power outage, and twelve blondes were stuck on the escalators for over four hours.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What did the blonde say to her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?

"Is it mine?"

Submitted by: Renee Andert
  ... More Blonde Jokes?


 GOLF JOKE
During the weekly Lamaze class, the instructor emphasized the importance of exercise, hinting strongly that husbands need to get out and start walking with their wives.

From the back of the room one expectant father inquired, "Would it be okay if she carries a bag of golf clubs while she walks?"
  ... More Golf Jokes?


 JEWISH JOKE
THE PROOF THAT JESUS WAS JEWISH:

1. He went into his father's business.
2. He lived at home until the age of 33.
3. He was sure his mother was a virgin,
4. His mother was sure he was God.
  ... More Jewish Jokes?


 LAWYER JOKE
Q: You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and a lawyer. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?

A: Shoot the lawyer. Twice.
  ... More Lawyer Jokes?


 CLASSIC JOKE
THIS SHOULD END ALL 3 BEARS STORIES

Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table, he looks into his small bowl.

It is empty. "Who's been eating my porridge?!!", he squeaks.

Papa Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair.

He looks into his big bowl, and it is also empty. "Who's been eating my Porridge?!!," he roars.

Momma Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells, "For Christ's sake, how many times do we have to go through this with you idiots?"

It was Momma Bear who got up first, it was Momma Bear who woke everyone in the house, it was Momma Bear who made the coffee, it was Momma Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night, and put everything away, it was Momma Bear who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper, it was Momma Bear who set the damn table, it was Momma Bear who put the friggin cat out, cleaned the litter box, and filled the cat's water and food dish, and, now that you've decided to drag your sorry bear-asses downstairs, and grace Momma Bear's kitchen with your grumpy presence, listen good, cause I'm only going to say this one more time.

"I HAVEN'T MADE THE FRIGGEN PORRIDGE YET!!
  ... More Classic Jokes?


 USEFUL INFORMATION
1. In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by
ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the
bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase "goodnight, sleep tight".
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
2. It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a
month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law
with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their
calendar as lunar based, this period was called the honey month or what
we know today as the honeymoon.
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
3. Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked
into the rim or handle of their ceramic cups. When they needed a
refill, they used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle" is
the phrase inspired by this practice.
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
4. In Scotland, a new game was invented. It was entitled Gentlemen Only
Ladies Forbidden.... and thus the word GOLF entered into the English
language.
  ... More Useful Information?