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JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!
Texting for Seniors as follows:
ATD - At the Doctor's
BFF - Best Friend's Funeral
BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
BYOT - Bring your own teeth
CBM - Covered by Medicare
CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center
DWI - Driving While Incontinent
FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers
FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
FYI - Found Your Insulin
GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA - Got Heartburn Again
IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL - Living on Lipitor
OMMR - On My Massage Recliner
ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!
TOT - Texting on Toilet
TTYL - Talk to You Louder
WTP - Where are the Prunes
WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil
Hope these help!
GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In
Todd Sabo
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BLONDE JOKE
This blonde and her boyfriend were sitting in a hot tub when the blonde said to her boyfriend, "Is it true that if you pull your finger out, I'll sink?"
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GOLF JOKE
Two golfers are at the first tee: Golfer one: ``Hey, guess what! I got a set of golf clubs for my wife!''
Golfer two: ``Great trade!!!!''
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JEWISH JOKE
Way back in the time of the samurai, there was a powerful emperor. This emperor needed a new head samurai. So, he sent out a message to everybody he knew, that he needed a samurai.
A year passes, and only three people show up: a Japanese samurai, a Chinese samurai, and a Jewish samurai. The emperor asks the Japanese samurai to come in and show why he should be head samurai. The Japanese samurai opens up a matchbox, and out pops a little fly. WHOOOSH. The fly drops dead on the ground in 2 pieces! The emperor says, "That is very impressive!"
Then the emperor asks the Chinese samurai to come in and show why he should be head samurai. The Chinese samurai opens up a matchbox and out pops a little fly. WHOOOSH. WOOOSH. The fly drops dead on the ground in 4 pieces! The emperor says, "That is really impressive!"
Then the emperor asks the Jewish samurai to come in and show why he should be head samurai. The Jewish samurai thinks, "If it works for the other two..." So the Jewish samurai walks in, opens a matchbox, and out pops a little fly. WHOOOOOOOOSSSSHHHH. A gust of wind fills the room, but the fly is still buzzing around. The emperor says in disappointment, "Why is the fly not dead?"
And the Jewish samurai replies, "If you look closely, you'll see that the fly has been circumcised."
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LAWYER JOKE
If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?
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CLASSIC JOKE
Here is a question that was asked of a Priest, a Minister and a Rabbi:
"When you are in your casket, and friends, family and congregants are mourning over you, what would you like to hear them say?"
The Episcopal priest answered, "I would like to hear them say that I was a wonderful husband, a fine spiritual leader and a great family man."
The Catholic priest said, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful teacher and a servant of G-d who made a huge difference in people's lives."
The Rabbi answered, "I would like to hear them say, 'Look, he's moving!'"
Submitted by Pam Wasserman
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USEFUL INFORMATION
Today's Message of the Day is:
Life is short, Break the rules, Forgive quickly, Kiss slowly, Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably, And never regret anything that made you smile.
Submitted by: Rene Andert
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