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 JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!

Texting for Seniors as follows:

ATD - At the Doctor's

BFF - Best Friend's Funeral

BTW - Bring the Wheelchair

BYOT - Bring your own teeth

CBM - Covered by Medicare

CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center

DWI - Driving While Incontinent

FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers

FWIW - Forgot Where I Was

FYI - Found Your Insulin

GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low

GHA - Got Heartburn Again

IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?

LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out

LOL - Living on Lipitor

OMMR - On My Massage Recliner

ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!

TOT - Texting on Toilet

TTYL - Talk to You Louder

WTP - Where are the Prunes

WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil

Hope these help!

GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In






Todd Sabo


 BLONDE JOKE
I told my blonde girlfriend that I was going skeet shooting.

She told me she didn't know how to cook them.
  ... More Blonde Jokes?


 GOLF JOKE
Golf Wisdom
>
> When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit.
> ~Author Unknown.
>
> I don't say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes they'd come up sliced.
> ~Author Unknown
>
> I've spent most of my life golfing. The rest I've just wasted.
> ~Author Unknown
>
> They call it golf because all the other four-letter words were taken.
> ~Raymond Floyd
>
> The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a flag stick on top.
> ~Pete Dye (His golf courses reflect this belief!!!)
>
> Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun.
> ~Jim Bishop
>
> It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball.
> I did it in one afternoon on the golf course.
> ~Hank Aaron
>
> Golf is a game in which you yell "fore," shoot six, and write down five
> ~Paul Harvey
>
> Give me golf clubs, fresh air & a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.
> ~Jack Benny
>
> Have you ever noticed what golf spells backwards?
> ~Al Boliska
>
> The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course.
> ~Billy Graham
>
> Reverse every natural instinct and do the opposite of what you are inclined to do, and you will probably come very close to having a perfect golf swing.
> ~Ben Hogan
>
> Go play golf. Go to the golf course. Hit the ball. Find the ball.
> Repeat until the ball is in the hole. Have fun. The end.
> ~Chuck Hogan
>
> If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.
> ~Jack Lemmon
>
> It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.
> ~Mark Twain
>
> Don't play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty.
>
> ~Harry Vardon
>
> Golf is a game in which one endeavors to control a ball with implements ill adapted for the purpose.
> ~Woodrow Wilson
>
> A golfer's diet: live on greens as much as possible.

> ~Author Unknown
>
> Gone golfin' ... be back about dark thirty.
> ~Author Unknown
>
> Born to golf. Forced to work. (sometimes with "to pay for habit" included.)
> ~Author Unknown
>
> My body is here, but my mind has already teed off.
> ~Author Unknown
>
> Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at them.
> ~Jimmy DeMaret
>
> May thy ball lie in green pastures, and not in still waters.
> ~Author Unknown
>
> If I hit it right, it's a slice. If I hit it left, it's a hook. If I hit it straight, it's a miracle.
> ~Author Unknown
>
> The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie.
> ~George Deukmejian
>
> AND FINALLY....
>
> Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.
> ~Author Unknown
  ... More Golf Jokes?


 JEWISH JOKE
Subject: Oy ~Vay

Mrs. Yetta Rosenberg gets off the plane in Miami and, being tired from the flight, goes to the first hotel she sees in order to get a room. She walks up to the desk and tells the clerk, 'I'm Mrs. Yetta Rosenboig, and I desire a room for de night.'

The clerk looks disdainfully at her and coldly says, 'I'm sorry, madam, but our hotel is completely booked.'

Just then, a man with his suitcase in hand, drops his key and a check at the desk, and heads for the door.

'Oy, vot luck, says Mrs. Rosenberg. 'I can take his room.'

'I'm sorry, madam,' says the clerk, 'but I thought you understood my meaning. To be blunt, we do not cater to Jews.'

'Jews?' exclaims Mrs. Rosenberg. 'So, who's a Jew? I'm a Cat'lic.'

In obvious disbelief, the clerk asks her, 'If you're a Catholic, then answer this question: Who is the Son of G-d?'

'Dot's easy,' says Mrs. Rosenberg, 'Jesus Christ.'

The clerk, still not convinced, then asks, 'Who was Jesus' mother and father?'

'Mary and Joseph,' replies Mrs. Rosenberg , testily.

Then the clerk asks, 'And where was Jesus born?'

'In a manger in a barn,' answers Mrs. Rosenberg, becoming agitated.

'And why was Jesus born in a manger in a barn?' asks the clerk.

''Cause a shmock like you vouldn't rent a room to Jews!!!'

Submitted by: Dave Gasway
  ... More Jewish Jokes?


 LAWYER JOKE
What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?
They're both extinct.
  ... More Lawyer Jokes?


 CLASSIC JOKE
A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at a drunken lady swigging her gin as she sits alone at a nearby table. The wife asks, "Do you know her?"

"Yes," sighs the husband, "She's my ex-wife. She took to drinking right after we divorced seven years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since."

"My G-d!" says the wife, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?

submited by Renee Andert
  ... More Classic Jokes?


 USEFUL INFORMATION
This might be a lifesaver if we can remember the three questions!

IS IT A STROKE?

Sometimes symptoms of a stroke are difficult to identify. Unfortunately, this lack of awareness can spell disaster. The stroke victim may suffer brain damage when people nearby fail to recognize the symptoms of a stroke.


Now doctors say a bystander can recognize a stroke by asking three simple questions:

Ask the individual to smile.

Ask him or her to raise both arms.

Ask the person to speak a simple sentence.

If he or she has trouble with any of these tasks, call 9-1-1 immediately and describe the symptoms to the dispatcher.

After discovering that a group of non-medical volunteers could identify facial weakness, arm weakness and speech problems, researchers urged the general public to learn the three questions. They presented their conclusions at the American Stroke Association's annual meeting last February. Widespread use of this test could result in prompt diagnosis and treatment of the stroke and prevent brain damage.
  ... More Useful Information?