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 JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!

Texting for Seniors as follows:

ATD - At the Doctor's

BFF - Best Friend's Funeral

BTW - Bring the Wheelchair

BYOT - Bring your own teeth

CBM - Covered by Medicare

CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center

DWI - Driving While Incontinent

FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers

FWIW - Forgot Where I Was

FYI - Found Your Insulin

GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low

GHA - Got Heartburn Again

IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?

LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out

LOL - Living on Lipitor

OMMR - On My Massage Recliner

ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!

TOT - Texting on Toilet

TTYL - Talk to You Louder

WTP - Where are the Prunes

WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil

Hope these help!

GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In






Todd Sabo


 BLONDE JOKE
An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde flight attendant. The route they were flying had a stay-over in another city, so upon their arrival, the captain showed the attendant the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight. The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new attendant was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened to her.

She answered the phone, sobbing, and said she couldn't get out of her room.

"You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The attendant replied, "There are only three doors in here," she cried, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says, 'Do Not Disturb'!"
  ... More Blonde Jokes?


 GOLF JOKE
A couple was golfing one day on a very, very exclusive golf course, lined
with million dollar houses. On the third tee the husband said,
"Honey, be very careful when you drive the ball don't knock out any windows. It'll cost us a fortune to fix."

The wife teed up and shanked it right through the window of the
biggest house on the course. The husband cringed and said, "I told you to watch out for the houses. Alright, let's go up there, apologize and see how much
this is going to cost."

They walked up, knocked on the door, and heard a voice say, "Come on
in."

They opened the door and saw glass all over the floor and a broken
bottle lying on its side in the foyer.

A man on the couch said, "Are you the people that broke my
window?""Uh, yeah. Sorry about that." the husband replied.

"No, actually I want to thank you. I'm a genie that was trapped for a
thousand years in that bottle. You've released me. I'm allowed to
grant three wishes- I'll give you each one wish, and I'll keep the last one for myself."

"OK, great!" the husband said. " I want a million dollars a year for
the rest of my life." "No problem-it's the least I could do. And you, what do
you want?" the genie said, looking at the wife.

"I want a house in every country of the world," she said.

"Consider it done." the genie replied.

"And what's your wish, genie?", the husband said.

"Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle, I haven't had sex with
a woman in a thousand years. My wish is to sleep with your wife."

The husband looks at the wife and said, "Well, we did get a lot of
money and all those houses, honey. I guess I don't care."

The genie took the wife upstairs and ravished her for two hours.
After it was over, the genie rolled over, looked at the wife, and said,
"How old is your husband, anyway?"

"35." she replied.

"And he still believes in genies?....That's amazing."
  ... More Golf Jokes?


 JEWISH JOKE
A man goes to see the Rabbi. "Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it."

The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?"

The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me."

The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?"

The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me, what should I do?"

The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know."

A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "Well, I spoke to your wife. I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?"

The man said yes, and the Rabbi replied, "Take the poison."
  ... More Jewish Jokes?


 LAWYER JOKE
What happens to a lawyer who jumps out of a plane at 35,000 feet without a parachute?
Who cares?
  ... More Lawyer Jokes?


 CLASSIC JOKE
One morning, a woman and her baby were taking a bus. As she entered the bus the driver says "Wow, that is one ugly baby."

The woman was deeply hurt. She continued to get on to the bus and found a seat next to an elderly man. The man asked her, "What's wrong? You look mad."

She replied, "I am. That bus driver just insulted me."

"You shouldn't take that from him," the man replied. "He's a public worker and should give you respect. If I was you I would take his badge number and report him."

"You're right sir, I think I will report him."

The elderly man says, "You go on up there and get his badge number. I'll hold your monkey for you."
  ... More Classic Jokes?


 USEFUL INFORMATION
"Symptoms of Inner Peace"

* An unmistakable ability to enjoy each moment

* Loss of interest in judging others

* Loss of interest in interpreting actions of others

* Loss of interest in conflict

* Loss of ability to worry

* Frequent, overwhelming episodes of appreciation

* Contented feelings of connectedness with others and nature

* Frequent attacks of smiling through the eyes from the heart

* Tendency to let things happen rather than make them happen

* Tendency to think and act spontaneously rather than from fear based on past experiences

* Susceptibility to love extended by others as well as the uncontrollable urge to extend love.

Submitted by: B. Gasway
  ... More Useful Information?