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 JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!

Texting for Seniors as follows:

ATD - At the Doctor's

BFF - Best Friend's Funeral

BTW - Bring the Wheelchair

BYOT - Bring your own teeth

CBM - Covered by Medicare

CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center

DWI - Driving While Incontinent

FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers

FWIW - Forgot Where I Was

FYI - Found Your Insulin

GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low

GHA - Got Heartburn Again

IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?

LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out

LOL - Living on Lipitor

OMMR - On My Massage Recliner

ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!

TOT - Texting on Toilet

TTYL - Talk to You Louder

WTP - Where are the Prunes

WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil

Hope these help!

GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In






Todd Sabo


 BLONDE JOKE
A blonde lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly.

When asked what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they asked for a credit card number, so she was using the "ATM thingy".
  ... More Blonde Jokes?


 GOLF JOKE
A couple was golfing one day on a very, very exclusive golf course, lined
with million dollar houses. On the third tee the husband said,
"Honey, be very careful when you drive the ball don't knock out any windows. It'll cost us a fortune to fix."

The wife teed up and shanked it right through the window of the
biggest house on the course. The husband cringed and said, "I told you to watch out for the houses. Alright, let's go up there, apologize and see how much
this is going to cost."

They walked up, knocked on the door, and heard a voice say, "Come on
in."

They opened the door and saw glass all over the floor and a broken
bottle lying on its side in the foyer.

A man on the couch said, "Are you the people that broke my
window?""Uh, yeah. Sorry about that." the husband replied.

"No, actually I want to thank you. I'm a genie that was trapped for a
thousand years in that bottle. You've released me. I'm allowed to
grant three wishes- I'll give you each one wish, and I'll keep the last one for myself."

"OK, great!" the husband said. " I want a million dollars a year for
the rest of my life." "No problem-it's the least I could do. And you, what do
you want?" the genie said, looking at the wife.

"I want a house in every country of the world," she said.

"Consider it done." the genie replied.

"And what's your wish, genie?", the husband said.

"Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle, I haven't had sex with
a woman in a thousand years. My wish is to sleep with your wife."

The husband looks at the wife and said, "Well, we did get a lot of
money and all those houses, honey. I guess I don't care."

The genie took the wife upstairs and ravished her for two hours.
After it was over, the genie rolled over, looked at the wife, and said,
"How old is your husband, anyway?"

"35." she replied.

"And he still believes in genies?....That's amazing."
  ... More Golf Jokes?


 JEWISH JOKE
Four Jewish ladies, at a resort in the Catskills, were in rockers on the veranda and admiring the scenery.

After a while the first woman sighed, "Oy!"

The others sighed sympathetically.

Then the second woman sighed, "Oy Vey!"

The others nodded.

A third woman said, "Oy, Gottenyu!"

The others nodded as if in agreement. Finally, the fourth woman said, "Enough talk about the children. Let's go for a walk!"
  ... More Jewish Jokes?


 LAWYER JOKE
What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?
His partners.
  ... More Lawyer Jokes?


 CLASSIC JOKE
If you can start the day without caffeine or pep pills,

If you can be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,

If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,

If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it,

If you can understand when loved ones are too busy to give you time,

If you can overlook when people take things out on you - when, through no fault of yours, something goes wrong,

If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,

If you can face the world without lies and deceit,

If you can conquer tension without medical help,

If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,

If you can do all these things,

Then you are probably the family dog

Submitted by Charlie Schuman
  ... More Classic Jokes?


 USEFUL INFORMATION
Do not turn on A/C immediately as soon as you enter the car

The given article is based on true facts!

Please do not turn on A/C immediately as soon as you enter the car. Open the windows after you enter your car and turn ON the air-conditioning after a couple of minutes.

According to a research done, the car dashboard, sofa, air freshener emits Benzene, a Cancer causing toxin (carcinogen - take note of the heated plastic Smell in your car).

In addition to causing cancer, it poisons your bones, causes anemia, and reduces white blood cells.

Prolonged exposure will cause Leukemia,increasing the risk of cancer. May also cause miscarriage.
Acceptable Benzene level indoors is 50 mg per sq. ft.. A car parked indoors with the windows closed will contain 400-800 mg of Benzene. If parked outdoors under the sun at a temperature above 60 degrees F, the Benzene level goes up to 2000-4000 mg, 40 times the acceptable level... & the people inside the car will inevitably inhale an excess amount of the toxins.

It is recommended that you open the windows and door to give time for the interior to air out before you enter.

Benzene is a toxin that affects your kidney and liver, and is very difficult for your body to expel this toxic stuff.

http://www.snopes.com/medical/toxins/benzene.asp

Submitted by: Bob Gasway
  ... More Useful Information?