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 JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!

Texting for Seniors as follows:

ATD - At the Doctor's

BFF - Best Friend's Funeral

BTW - Bring the Wheelchair

BYOT - Bring your own teeth

CBM - Covered by Medicare

CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center

DWI - Driving While Incontinent

FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers

FWIW - Forgot Where I Was

FYI - Found Your Insulin

GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low

GHA - Got Heartburn Again

IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?

LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out

LOL - Living on Lipitor

OMMR - On My Massage Recliner

ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!

TOT - Texting on Toilet

TTYL - Talk to You Louder

WTP - Where are the Prunes

WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil

Hope these help!

GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In






Todd Sabo


 BLONDE JOKE
Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. They tried and tried to get the door open, but they couldn't.

The girl with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath, and her friend said anxiously, "Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down."
  ... More Blonde Jokes?


 GOLF JOKE
Subject: The Truly Useful Golf Book

The Truly Useful Golf Book. It includes the following chapters:

* How to Properly Line Up Your Fourth Putt

* How to Hit a Nike From the Rough When You Hit a Titleist Off The Tee

* How to Avoid the Water When You Lie 8 in a Bunker

* How to Get More Distance Off the Shank

* When to Give the Ranger the Finger

* Using Your Shadow on the Greens to Maximize Earnings

* Crying and How to Handle it

* Proper Excuses for Drinking Beers Before 10am

* How to Rationalize a 6 Hour Round

* How to Find That Ball That Everyone Else Saw Go in the Water

* Why Your Wife Doesn't Care That You Birdied the 5th

* How to Let a Foursome Play Through Your Twosome Without Getting
Embarrassed

* How to Relax When You Are Hitting Three Off the Tee

* When to Suggest Major Swing Corrections to Your Opponent

* G-d and the Meaning of the Birdie-to-Bogey Three Putt


I understand that they are working on the sequel "When to Re-grip Your Ball Retriever"
  ... More Golf Jokes?


 JEWISH JOKE
JEWISH PRINCIPLES

The optimist sees the bagel, the pessimist sees the hole.

If it tastes good, it's probably not kosher.

No one looks good in a yarmulke.

Why spoil a good meal with a big tip?

Twenty percent off is a bargain; fifty percent off is a mitzvah.

There's nothing like a good belch.

Never pay retail.

It's always a bad hair day if you're bald.

If your name was Lipschitz, you'd change it too.

The most important word to know in any language is sale.

Where there's smoke, there may be smoked salmon.

A schemata is a dress that your husband's ex is wearing.

Before you read the menu, read the prices.

What business is a yenta in? Yours.

  ... More Jewish Jokes?


 LAWYER JOKE
What happens when you cross a pig with a lawyer?
Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do.
  ... More Lawyer Jokes?


 CLASSIC JOKE
Women:

A wife was not at home for a whole night. So, the very next morning, she tells her husband that she stayed at her girlfriend's apartment over night.

The husband calls 10 of her best girlfriends, and none of them confirms that.

Men:

A husband was not at home for a whole night. So he tells his wife the very next morning, that he stayed at his friend's apartment over night.

So the wife calls 10 of his best friends : 5 of them confirm that he stayed at their apartments that night, and the other 5 are claiming that he still is there with them !

Conclusion:

Men are better friends!
  ... More Classic Jokes?


 USEFUL INFORMATION
Your Inspiration For The Day: Instructions For A Happy Life

Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

Don't believe all you hear.

When you say, "I love you", mean it.

When you say, "I'm sorry", look the person in the eye.

Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

Believe in love at first sight.

Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

Smile when picking up the phone, the caller will hear it in your voice.

Treat other's the way you want to be treated!
  ... More Useful Information?