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JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!
Texting for Seniors as follows:
ATD - At the Doctor's
BFF - Best Friend's Funeral
BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
BYOT - Bring your own teeth
CBM - Covered by Medicare
CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center
DWI - Driving While Incontinent
FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers
FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
FYI - Found Your Insulin
GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA - Got Heartburn Again
IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL - Living on Lipitor
OMMR - On My Massage Recliner
ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!
TOT - Texting on Toilet
TTYL - Talk to You Louder
WTP - Where are the Prunes
WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil
Hope these help!
GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In
Todd Sabo
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BLONDE JOKE
I told my blonde girlfriend that I was going skeet shooting.
She told me she didn't know how to cook them.
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GOLF JOKE
During the weekly Lamaze class, the instructor emphasized the importance of exercise, hinting strongly that husbands need to get out and start walking with their wives.
From the back of the room one expectant father inquired, "Would it be okay if she carries a bag of golf clubs while she walks?"
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JEWISH JOKE
A couple preparing for a religious conversion meets with the orthodox rabbi for their final session. The rabbi asks if they have any final questions.
The man asks, "Is it true that men and women don't dance together?"
"Yes," says the rabbi, "For modesty reasons, men and women dance separately."
"Well, okay," says the man, "but what about sex?"
"Fine," says the rabbi. "A mitzvah within the marriage!"
"What about different positions?" the man asks.
"No problem," says the rabbi.
"Woman on top?" the man asks.
"Why not?" replies the rabbi.
"How about doggie-style?"
"Of course!"
"Well, what about standing up?"
"NO!" says the rabbi.... "Could lead to dancing!"
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LAWYER JOKE
The defendant asked for a new lawyer, claiming the public defender wasn't interested in his case.
The judge addressed the PD: "What do you have to say to that?"
The PD replied, "Could you repeat that, your honor? I wasn't listening."
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CLASSIC JOKE
Subject: The Perks of being over 70........
1. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
2. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't
remember them either.
3. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
4. People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"
5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
7. Things you buy now won't wear out.
8. You can eat dinner at 4 P.M.
9. You can live without sex but not without glasses.
10. You enjoy hearing about other peoples operations.
11. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
12. You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
13. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
14. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
15. You sing along with elevator music.
16. Your eyes won't get much! worse.
17. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
18. You can't remember who sent you this list.
Submitted by: Aileen Gordon
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USEFUL INFORMATION
This might be a lifesaver if we can remember the three questions!
IS IT A STROKE?
Sometimes symptoms of a stroke are difficult to identify. Unfortunately, this lack of awareness can spell disaster. The stroke victim may suffer brain damage when people nearby fail to recognize the symptoms of a stroke.
Now doctors say a bystander can recognize a stroke by asking three simple questions:
Ask the individual to smile.
Ask him or her to raise both arms.
Ask the person to speak a simple sentence.
If he or she has trouble with any of these tasks, call 9-1-1 immediately and describe the symptoms to the dispatcher.
After discovering that a group of non-medical volunteers could identify facial weakness, arm weakness and speech problems, researchers urged the general public to learn the three questions. They presented their conclusions at the American Stroke Association's annual meeting last February. Widespread use of this test could result in prompt diagnosis and treatment of the stroke and prevent brain damage.
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