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JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!
Texting for Seniors as follows:
ATD - At the Doctor's
BFF - Best Friend's Funeral
BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
BYOT - Bring your own teeth
CBM - Covered by Medicare
CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center
DWI - Driving While Incontinent
FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers
FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
FYI - Found Your Insulin
GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA - Got Heartburn Again
IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL - Living on Lipitor
OMMR - On My Massage Recliner
ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!
TOT - Texting on Toilet
TTYL - Talk to You Louder
WTP - Where are the Prunes
WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil
Hope these help!
GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In
Todd Sabo
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BLONDE JOKE
She was so Blonde that...
...she wanted to visit a computer chat room, but couldn't find one
near her home.
...she called the *hardware* store to check on their stock of artificial nails.
...she wore a bikini her first day in the car pool!
...she'd heard about the information superhighway, but couldn't find
it on her map!
...she wanted to sign up as an *organ* donor, but all she had was a guitar!
...she called home from work, set down the receiver, then sped home to
see if Call Waiting really worked...
...when told she would need a travel visa, she asked if her Master Card was OK!?!
Q: What's the difference between Elvis and smart blondes?
A: Elvis has been sighted.
Submitted by: Harriet Kohn
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GOLF JOKE
A hack golfer spends a day at a plush country club, playing golf and enjoying the luxury of a complimentary caddy. Being a hack golfer, he plays poorly all day. Round about the 18th hole, he spots a lake of the fairway. He looks at the caddy and says, “I’ve played so poorly all day, I think I’m going to drown myself in that lake.”
The caddy looks at him and says, “I don’t think you could keep your head down that long.”
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JEWISH JOKE
A little Jewish grandmother gets on the crowded bus and discovers that she doesn't have correct change for the fare. The driver tries to be firm with her, but she places her hand delicately over her chest and murmurs, "Oy, If you knew vat I had, you'd be nicer to me." He caves in and lets her ride for free.
She tries to push her way down the crowded aisle, but people won't move over for her. She finally places her hand delicately over her chest and murmurs, "Oh, If you know vat I had, you'd be nicer to me." The crowd parts like the Red Sea and lets her down the aisle.
She gets to the back of the bus where there are no seats and looks significantly at several people, none of whom take the hint and get up to offer her their seat. Once again she places her hand delicately over her chest and murmurs, "OY, If you know vat I had, you'd be nicer to me." Several people jump up and insist that she sit down and ride in comfort.
A woman who had been watching all this leaned over and said to her, "I know this is none of my business, but just what is it that you've got, anyway?"
The little Jewish grandmother smiled and said, "Chutzpah!"
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CLASSIC JOKE
A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor’s office. “Is it true,” she wanted to know, “that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?”
“Yes, I’m afraid so,” the doctor told her.
There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, “I’m wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because the prescription is marked ‘NO REFILLS’.”
Submitted by: Scrubman
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USEFUL INFORMATION
MIGHTY FINE ADVICE IN THESE WORDS
ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully
TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
FOUR. When you say, 'I love you ,' mean it.
FIVE. When you say, 'I'm sorry,' look the person in the eye
SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.
EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dream. People who don't have dreams don't have much.
NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
TEN.. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.
TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.
THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, 'Why do you want to know?'
FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
FIFTEEN. Say 'bless you' when you hear someone sneeze.
SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson !
SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and responsibility for all your actions.
EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship...
NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
TWENTY.. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone.
submitted by: Jeff G.
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