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JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!
Texting for Seniors as follows:
ATD - At the Doctor's
BFF - Best Friend's Funeral
BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
BYOT - Bring your own teeth
CBM - Covered by Medicare
CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center
DWI - Driving While Incontinent
FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers
FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
FYI - Found Your Insulin
GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA - Got Heartburn Again
IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL - Living on Lipitor
OMMR - On My Massage Recliner
ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!
TOT - Texting on Toilet
TTYL - Talk to You Louder
WTP - Where are the Prunes
WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil
Hope these help!
GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In
Todd Sabo
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BLONDE JOKE
I've had enough of this...
A blonde and her husband are lying in bed listening to the next door Neighbor's dog.It has been in the backyard barking for hours and hours.
The blonde jumps up out of bed and says "I've had enough of this". She Goes downstairs.
The blonde finally comes back up to bed and her husband says "The dog is Still barking, what have you been doing?"
The blonde says "I've put the dog in our backyard, let's see how they like it .
submitted by: Elmer Nance
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GOLF JOKE
The Rules Of Bedroom Golf
1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play - normally
one club and two balls.
2. Play on the course must be approved by the owner of a hole.
3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and
keep the balls out of the hole.
4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course
owners are permitted to check stiffness before play begins.
5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid
damage to the hole.
6. The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary
until the course owner is satisfied that the play is complete.
7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately
upon arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally
take time to admire the course, with special attention to the well formed
bunkers.
8. Players are not to mention other courses they have played or are
currently playing to the owner of the course being played. Upset
course owners have been known to damage a player's equipment for this reason.
9. Players are encouraged to bring proper rain gear for their own
protection.
10. Players should assure themsleves that their match has been
properly scheduled, particularly when a new course is being
played for the first time. Previous players have been known to become irate if
they discover someone else playing on what they consider to be a private course.
11. Players should not assume a course is in shape for play at all
times. Some players may be embarrased if they find the course
to be temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely
tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find alternate means of
play when in this case.
12. Players are advised to obtain owner's permission before
attempting to play the back nine.
13. Slow play is encouraged. However, players should be prepared to
proceed at a quicker pace, at least temporarily, at the course
owner's request.
14. It is considered outstanding performance, time permitting, to
play the same hole several time in one match.
15. The course owner will be the sole judge of who is the best player.
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JEWISH JOKE
A little Jewish grandmother gets on the crowded bus and discovers that she doesn't have correct change for the fare. The driver tries to be firm with her, but she places her hand delicately over her chest and murmurs, "Oy, If you knew vat I had, you'd be nicer to me." He caves in and lets her ride for free.
She tries to push her way down the crowded aisle, but people won't move over for her. She finally places her hand delicately over her chest and murmurs, "Oh, If you know vat I had, you'd be nicer to me." The crowd parts like the Red Sea and lets her down the aisle.
She gets to the back of the bus where there are no seats and looks significantly at several people, none of whom take the hint and get up to offer her their seat. Once again she places her hand delicately over her chest and murmurs, "OY, If you know vat I had, you'd be nicer to me." Several people jump up and insist that she sit down and ride in comfort.
A woman who had been watching all this leaned over and said to her, "I know this is none of my business, but just what is it that you've got, anyway?"
The little Jewish grandmother smiled and said, "Chutzpah!"
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LAWYER JOKE
One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the roadside. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
"Why are you eating grass?” he asked one man.
"We don't have any money for food.” the poor man replied.
"Oh, come along with me then."
"But sir, I have a wife with two children!"
"Bring them along! And you, come with us too!” he said to the other man.
"But sir, I have a wife with six children!" the second man answered.
"Bring them as well!"
They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limo. Once underway, one of the poor fellows says, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."
The lawyer replied, "No problem, the grass at my home is about two feet tall."
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CLASSIC JOKE
A father and son went hunting together for the first time. The father said, "Stay here and be very QUIET. I'll be across the field."
A little while later, the father heard a bloodcurdling scream and ran back to
his son. "What's wrong?" the father asked. "I told you to be quiet."
The son answered, "Look, I was quiet when the snake slithered across my
feet. I was quiet when the bear breathed down my neck. I didn't move a
muscle when the skunk climbed over my shoulder. I closed my eyes and held my breath when the wasp stung me. I didn't cough when I swallowed the gnat. I didn't cuss or scratch when the poison oak started itching. But when the two chipmunks crawled up my pant legs and said, 'Should we eat them here or take them with us?'
Well, I guess I just panicked."
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USEFUL INFORMATION
Gift Cards
Well the crooks have found a way to rob you of your gift card balance.
If you buy Gift Cards from a display rack that has various store cards you may become a victim of theft. Crooks are now jotting down the card numbers in the store and then wait a few days and call to see how much of a balance they have on the card. Once they find the card is "activated", they go online and start shopping.
You may want to purchase your card from a customer service person, where they do not have the Gift Cards viewable to the public.
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