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JOKE OF THE DAY
Teens have their texting codes (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.).
Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), now, finally we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!
Texting for Seniors as follows:
ATD - At the Doctor's
BFF - Best Friend's Funeral
BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
BYOT - Bring your own teeth
CBM - Covered by Medicare
CUATSC - See You at the Senior Center
DWI - Driving While Incontinent
FWBB - Friend with Beta Blockers
FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
FYI - Found Your Insulin
GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA - Got Heartburn Again
IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL - Living on Lipitor
OMMR - On My Massage Recliner
ROFL..CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!
TOT - Texting on Toilet
TTYL - Talk to You Louder
WTP - Where are the Prunes
WWNO - Walker Wheels Need Oil
Hope these help!
GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In
Todd Sabo
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BLONDE JOKE
Two blondes were looking at a newspaper.
One of them notices a headline that says:
"TWO BRAZILIAN SOLDIERS KILLED"
She thought for a moment.........and then whispered to her friend,
"Psst......How many is a brazilian"?
Submitted by Elmer Nance
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GOLF JOKE
In Africa some of the native tribes have a custom of beating the ground with clubs and uttering spine-chilling cries.
Anthropologists call this a form of primitive self-expression...
In America they call it golf.
Submitted by: Joel S.
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JEWISH JOKE
Six Jewish gentlemen were playing poker in the condo clubhouse when
Meyerowitz loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five complete their playing time standing up.
Finkelstein looks around and asks "Now, who is going to tell the wife?"
They draw straws. Goldberg, who is always a loser, picks the short one.
They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse than it is.
"Gentlemen! Discreet? I'm the most discreet mensch you will ever meet.
Discretion is mine middle name, leave it to me." Goldberg schleps over to the Meyerowitz apartment, knocks on the door, the wife answers, asks what he wants.
Goldberg declares "Your husband just lost $500."
She hollers, "TELL HIM HE SHOULD DROP DEAD!"
Goldberg says, "I'll tell him."
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LAWYER JOKE
What did the terrorist that hijacked a jumbo-jet full of lawyers do?
He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren't met.
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CLASSIC JOKE
TRUTHS
A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.
How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.
Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?
Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job.
No one has more driving ambition than the boy who wants to buy a car.
There are no new sins....the old ones just get more publicity.
There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 AM. It could be a right number.
Think about this..., No one ever says "It's only a game" when his team is winning.
Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail.
The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.
If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably don't have any sense at all.
Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.
I've reached the age where the happy hour is a nap.
Be careful reading the fine print. There's no way you're going to like it.
The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket,.
Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?
Money can't buy happiness-but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than in a Yugo.
After a certain age, if you don't wake up aching in every joint, you are probably dead.
submitted by: Renee Andert
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USEFUL INFORMATION
Must Read for All Dog Owners!!!!
If you have a dog... PLEASE read this and send it on. If you don't have a dog, please pass along to friends who do.
Written by: Laurinda Morris, DVM
Danville Veterinary Clinic
Danville , Ohio
This week I had the first case in history of raisin toxicity ever seen at MedVet. My patient was a 56-pound, 5 yr old male neutered lab mix that ate half a canister of raisins sometime between 7:30 AM and 4:30 PM on Tuesday. He started with vomiting, diarrhea and shaking about 1AM on Wednesday but the owner didn't call my emergency service until 7AM .
I had heard somewhere about raisins AND grapes causing acute Renal failure but hadn't seen any formal paper on the subject. We had her bring the dog in immediately. In the meantime, I called the ER service at MedVet, and the doctor there was like me - had heard something about it, but.... Anyway, we contacted the ASPCA National Animal Poison Control Center and they said to give I V fluids at 1 1/2 times maintenance and watch the
kidney values for the next 48-72 hours.
The dog's BUN (blood urea nitrogen level) was already at 32
(normal less than 27) and creatinine! over 5 ( 1.9 is the high end of
normal). Both are monitors of kidney function in the bloodstream. We placed
an IV catheter and started the fluids. Rechecked the renal values at 5 PM
and the BUN was over 40 and creatinine over 7 with no urine production after
a liter of fluids. At the point I felt the dog was in acute renal failure
and sent him on to MedVet for a urinary catheter to monitor urine output
overnight as well as overnight care.
He started vomiting again overnight at MedVet and his renal
values have continued to increase daily. He produced urine when given lasix as a diuretic. He was on 3 different anti-vomiting medications and they still couldn't control his vomiting. Today his urine output decreased again, his BUN was over 120, his creatinine was at 10, his phosphorus was very elevated and his blood pressure, which had been staying around 150, skyrocketed to 220.. He continued to vomit and the owners elected to euthanize.
This is a very sad case - great dog, great owners who had no
idea raisins could be a toxin. Please alert everyone you know who has a dog
of this very serious risk. Poison control said as few as 7 raisins or grapes could be toxic. Many people I know give their dogs grapes or raisins as treats including our ex-handler's. Any exposure should give rise to
immediate concern. Onions, chocolate, cocoa and macadamia nuts can be fatal,
too.
Even if you don't have a dog, you might have friends who do.
This is worth passing on to them.
Confirmation from Snopes about the above...
http://www.snopes.com/critters/crusader/raisins.asp
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Submitted by: Renee Andert
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