A blonde wanted to go ice fishing, so after getting all of the right tools, she headed toward the nearest frozen lake. After getting comfy on her stool she started to cut a circular hole in the ice.

Then from the heavens a voice boomed, ''THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.''

Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of hot
chocolate and started to cut yet another hole in the ice.

The voice boomed, ''THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.''

This time quite scared, the blonde moved to the far end of the ice. Then
she started another hole and once again the voice said, ''THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.''

The very scared blonde raised her head and said, ''Is that you, Lord?''

The voice answered "NO. IT IS THE MANAGER OF THE ICE RINK."

Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch boxes?

A: So they can tell if they are coming or going to work!

Jay and his blonde wife live in Buffalo. One winter morning while listening to the radio, they hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 3 to 4 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through." Jay's wife goes out and moves her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 4 to 5 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through." Jay's wife goes out and moves her car again.

The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio announcer says "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park...", then the electric power goes out.

Jay's wife says, "Honey, I don't know what to do."

Jay says, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?

Three blondes died in a car crash trying to jump the Grand Canyon and are at the pearly gates of heaven. St. Peter tells them that they can enter the gates if they can answer one simple question.

St. Peter asks the first blonde, "What is Easter?" The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy! It's the holiday in November when everyone gets together, eats turkey, and are thankful..."

"Wrong!, You must go to HELL" replies St. Peter, and proceeds to ask the second blonde the same question, "What is Easter? "The second blonde replies, "Easter is the holiday in December when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents, and celebrate the birth of Jesus."

St. Peter looks at the second blonde, bangs his head in disgust on the Pearly Gates, tells her she's wrong and to go to HELL, and then peers over his glasses at the third blonde and asks, "What is Easter?"

The third blonde smiles confidently and looks St. Peter in the eyes, "I know what Easter is."

"Oh?" says St. Peter, incredulously. "Easter is the Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish celebration of Passover. Jesus and his disciples were eating at the last supper and Jesus was later deceived and turned over to the Romans by one of his disciples. The Romans took him to be crucified and he was made to wear a crown of thorns, and was hung on a cross with nails through his hands. He was buried in a nearby cave which was sealed off by a large boulder."

St. Peter smiles broadly with delight. She continues, "Every year the boulder is moved aside so that Jesus can come out ... and, if he sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter.

A blonde was shopping at Wal-Mart and came across a shiny silver thermos. She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and brought it over to the clerk to ask what it was.

The clerk said, "Why, that's a thermos it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."

"Wow," said the blond, "that's amazing... I'm going to buy it!"

So she bought the thermos and took it to work the next day. Her boss, who is also blonde, saw it on her desk.

"What's that?" he asked.

"Why, that's a thermos. It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold," she replied.

"Wow, that's amazing," said the boss, "what do you have in it?"

"Two Popsicles and some coffee."

Once a blonde went to the library to get a book. A few days later, she returns and says to librarian at the counter, "This book was very boring. It had too many characters and too many numbers, so i would like to return it."

The librarian says to the other librarian, "So here is the person who took our phone book!"

Three blondes were all applying for the last available position on the Texas
Highway Patrol. The detective conducting the interview looked at the 3 of
them and said, "So ya'll want to be a cop, eh?" The blondes all nodded.

The detective got up, opened a file drawer and pulled out a file folder. Sitting back down, he opened it up and withdrew a picture, and said, "To be a detective, you have to be able to detect. You must be able to notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities such as scars, etc."

So he stuck the photo in the face of the 1st blonde and withdrew it after about 2 seconds. "Now, he said, "did you notice any distinguishing features about the man?"

The blonde immediately said, "Yes, I did. He has only one eye!"

The detective shook his head and said, "Of course he has only one eye in this picture! It's a profile of his face! You're dismissed!"

The 1st blonde hung her head and walked out of the office. The detective then turned to the 2nd blonde, stuck the photo in her face for 2 seconds, pulled it back and said, "What about you? Notice anything unusual or outstanding about this man?"

"Yes! He only has one ear!"

The detective put his head in his hand and exclaimed, "Didn't you hear what I just told the other lady? This is a profile of the man's face! Of course you can only see one ear!! You're excused, too!"

The 2nd blonde sheepishly walked out of the office. The detective turned his attention to the 3rd and last blonde and said, "this is probably a waste of time, but......." He flashed the photo in her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying "All right. Did you notice anything distinguishing or unusual about this man?"

The blonde said, "I did. This man wears contact lenses."

The detective frowned, took another look at the picture and began looking at some of the papers in the folder. He looked up at the blonde with a puzzled expression and said, "You're absolutely right! His bio says he wears contacts... How in the world could you tell that by looking at this picture?"

The blonde rolled her eyes and said, "Well duh! With only one eye and one ear, he certainly can't wear glasses!"

Two new work crews, the first composed of brunettes the second composed of Blondes, were putting in telephone poles. At the end of the day the foreman asked the first crew how many poles they had done.

"Twelve" was the answer.

"Not bad," replied the foreman. Then he asked the second crew (composed of blondes) how many poles they had put in.

"Two" was the reply.

"Two?" shouted the foreman. "The others did 12, and you did two?"

"Yeah, " answered the leader of the blonde group." But you should see how much they left sticking out of the ground."

Q: What do you call an eternity?
A: Four Blondes at a four way stop.

She was sooooo Blonde

She thinks Taco bell is the Mexican phone company.

She thought if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.

She thought that she could not use her AM radio in the evening.

She had a shirt that said "TGIF", which she thought stood for "Tits Go In Front".

She studied for a blood test.

She thought she needed a token to get on the "Soul Train".

She sold the car for gas money.

She asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.

She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

She thought Eartha Kitt was a set of garden tools.

She thought TuPac Shakur was a Jewish holiday.

Under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics".

She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.

She thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.

At the bottom of an application where it says "sign here", she wrote "Sagittarius".