A ventriloquist is working a blonde convention and during his show a blonde stands up and yells, " HEY! YOU ON STAGE! You been making smart-ass remarks about us blondes being stupid all night long! We're not all stupid you know!"

"Relax" says the ventriloquist, "They're just jokes!"

"I'm not talking to you sir!" The blonde reply's "I'm talking to that little jerk sitting on your knee!!"

A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. The doctor asked
her what had happened to her ears and she answered, "I was
ironing a shirt and the phone rang -- but instead of picking
up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."

"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But ... what
happened to your other ear?"

"The jerk called back."

Q: How do You kill a blonde?
A: Paint the words "Scratch and Sniff" on the bottom of your pool!

A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job. In the first room she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out "GREEN SIDE UP!"

In the second room she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" The lady was somewhat curious but she said nothing.

In the third room she said she would like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"

The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side up?"

"I'm sorry," came the reply. But I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street"

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the Trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULLOVER!"

"NO," the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"

An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a stay-over in another city. Upon their arrival the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened to her.

She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room.

"You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied, "There are only three doors in here, "she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

There were three women who were at the gynecologist having pre-natal checkups.

The doctor asked the first woman "in what position was the baby conceived?"

"He was on top ", she replied.

"You will have a boy !" the doctor exclaimed.

The second woman was asked the same question.
"I was on top ", was the reply.

"You will have a baby girl. " said the doctor.

With this, the third women, a blonde, burst into tears.

"What's the matter ?" asked the doc.

"I am going to have puppies", said the blonde.

Two blondes were walking through the woods when one looked down and said "Oh, look at the deer tracks."

The other blonde looks and says "Those aren't deer tracks, those are wolf tracks."

"No. Those are deer tracks."

They keep arguing, and arguing, and one half hour later they were both killed by a train.

An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage again! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I'm gonna jump off this building!"

The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm gonna jump off, too!"

The Blonde opened his lunch and said, "Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too!"

The next day the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage and jumped to his death.

The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito and jumped too.

The Blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna sandwich and jumped to his death as well.

At the funeral the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!"

The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."

Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife.

"Hey, don't look at me!!" she said. "He made his own lunch!!"

Q. How come a blond can't water ski?
A. Her legs spread when her crotch gets wet.