Two blondes were looking at a newspaper.
One of them notices a headline that says:

"TWO BRAZILIAN SOLDIERS KILLED"

She thought for a moment.........and then whispered to her friend,
"Psst......How many is a brazilian"?

Submitted by Elmer Nance

A blonde went in to the hairdresser to get her haircut. She was wearing headphones. When the hairdresser asked her to remove them, she told them she couldn't.

The hairdresser told her she would have to take them off in order to get a good haircut and she said, "I can't. The doctor said if I take them off I will die."

So the hairdresser proceeded to cut her hair with the headphones on.

In the process, she accidentally knocked them off and the lady fell over dead. They were startled and couldn't figure out why that would have happened.

They picked up the headphones to listen and heard a voice saying, "Breathe in-breathe out, breathe in-breathe out."

After having their 11th child, a Blonde couple decided that that was enough. So, the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem. The doctor then noticed that he was a blonde, and instructed him to go home, get a cherry bomb light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10. The Blonde said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest man, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me."

So, the couple drove to another Doctor to get a second opinion. The second physician was just about to tell them about the procedure for a vasectomy when he noticed that they were both Blondes. This doctor instead told the man to go home and get a cherry bomb, light it, place it in a beer can, hold it to his ear and count to 10.

Figuring that both learned physicians couldn't be wrong, the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count. "1, 2, 3, 4, 5 . . . . ", at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand.

Two blondes went deep into the frozen woods searching for a Christmas tree.

After hours of subzero temperatures and a few close calls with hungry wolves, one blonde turned to the other and said, "I'm chopping down the next tree I see. I don't care whether it's decorated or not!"

After the first week of sex education class, a young shapely blonde teen stormed out of the room after the class was over.

Encountering a female friend in the hall, the friend asked, "what in the world is the matter with you?"

"You look as if you're about to kill someone."

"I am!!!" the blonde fumed. "You just wait until I catch up with that Dennis. All summer long, that clown had me convinced that 'fore play' involved tossing a coin for position."

The traffic light wasn't working on the corner of Broadway and 72nd Street, so the blonde stood with a large crowd of people waiting to cross. A cop was directing traffic. Finally, the cop blew his whistle, motioned to the crowd, and shouted, "Okay, pedestrians!" The swelling throng surged across Broadway -- all except the blonde, who stayed on the corner.

When the walkers were safely on the other side of the street, the cop moved the cross-traffic through the intersection. Half a minute later, he stopped the cars on Broadway and sent the 72nd Street traffic into motion. Again, he got around to the blonde's corner, where by this time she had again been joined by a crowd of people. Tweeeeeeeet! "Okay, pedestrians!"

The crowd crossed the street, but again the blonde stayed put. She looked at her watch and tapped her foot as if she was in a hurry to get somewhere, but never budged from the sidewalk. The cop ran the traffic through seven more cycles, each time blowing his whistle and then yelling "Okay, pedestrians!" The blonde never moved. Finally, after the cop yelled "Okay, pedestrians!" for the eighth time.

The blonde shouted across traffic, "Yo! Officer! Isn't it about time you let the Catholics cross?"

Seamstress Blonde

One day, Jill's husband came home from the office and found her sobbing convulsively.

"I feel terrible," she told him. "I was pressing your suit and I burned a big hole in the seat of your trousers."

"Forget it," consoled her husband. "Remember that I bought an extra pair of pants for that suit."

"Yes, and it's lucky for you that you did," said Jill, drying her eyes. "I used them to patch the hole."

Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One of them decides to call 911:

Blonde: We need help. We're three blondes changing a light bulb.

Operator: Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb?

Blonde: Yes.

Operator: The power in the house in on?

Blonde: Of course.

Operator: And the switch is on?

Blonde: Yes, yes.

Operator: And the bulb still won't light up?

Blonde: No, it's working fine.

Operator: Then what's the problem?

Blonde: We got dizzy spinning the ladder around and we all fell and hurt
ourselves.

A dedicated Teamsters Union worker was attending a convention in Las Vegas and, as you would expect, decided to check out the local brothels nearby.

When he got to the first one, he asked the Madam, "Is this a union house?"

"No," she replied, "I'm sorry it isn't."

"Well, if I pay you $100.00, what cut do the girls get?"

"The house gets $80.00 and the girls get $20.00."

Mightily offended at such unfair dealings, the man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized shop. His search continued until finally he reached a brothel where the Madam responded, "Why yes sir, this IS a Union House."

The man asked, "And if I pay you $100.00, what cut do the girls get?"

"The girls get $80.00 and the house gets $20."

"That's more like it!!!" the Teamster said. He handed the Madam $100.00, looked around the room and pointed to a stunningly attractive blonde. "I'd
like her for the night."

"I'm sure you would, sir," said the Madam, then gesturing to an 85 year old
woman in the corner, "but Ethel here has seniority."

Q: Why can't Blondes dial 911?
A: They can't find the eleven on the phone!